Linking up with my happy place: Five Minute Friday.
Well… of course it is.
Ok, here’s the story:
I still haven’t posted my kids’ back to school pictures yet. This is kind of against nature and I am very sorry. Every mom knows that is it the LAW that those pictures get posted on the facebooks, pronto, and here I am, still just trying to make sure they’re fed and in clean underwear before they head out the door.
So, last night was Walking Night. It’s this Thing that the labrador-retriever husband came up with to help us Stay in Shape and Be a Family, all at the same time. We are a Team, after all. We go out and walk together. Or, rather, the boys shoot off on their bikes, like little nutball savages, while the husband and I, who mainly operate like ships in the night, walk and talk.
It’s better to be ships in the day, I guess.
Sometimes we even hold hands. Like ships in love.
Anyhow. LAST night I also wanted to Take it Up a Notch, by adding devotionals to the whole thing. I like to Take it Up a Notch whenever possible because my life is not chaotic or jam-packed enough and this whole Notch business seems to fulfill some basic need in me to be basically Perfect.
Ok, I’m just gonna stop with the capitals thing now. It’s Annoying, isn’t it?
So. I had my devotional all ready. And it went like this:
Both boys were instructed to take a tube of toothpaste and squeeze it out, which they did with some glee. The Blonde informed me right away, however, that this was a terrible waste of money. I just love him. He is so like his momma.
Then, I said, in my church lady voice:
“So, boys, now I want you to put the toothpaste back IN the tube.”
I then made the very overused, this whole toothpaste gag has been so done before thing, analogy that once your words are out there you can’t put them back. It’s not actually a BAD analogy by any means. I had figured that since we were starting up school again and that they might, well, hear stuff and say stuff because school is basically the Child Thunderdome where they learn interesting concepts like “fart train” and such, that this whole toothpaste thing would be memorable and important.
Oh, and it was. It was really, really memorable, y’all.
It started when Red, who was playing with his toothpaste like it was fingerpaint, decided to paint his brother’s face with the gooey stuff. I laughed. Brother laughed. It was all good clean minty fun, right? Learning moment. It was a learning moment! And then Blonde followed suit with some of his gooey stuff, and that’s when the screaming started.
You see, gentle reader, toothpaste is MINTY.
Minty + eyeballs = screaming.
Let me provide you with a short re-enactment:
Red: OH NOOO MY EYES MY EYESSSSS THE PAIN THE PAINNNN!!
Blonde: NOOOO MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MY EYEBALLS ARE ON FIRRREEEEEEEE!
Red: I AM DYING! AS WE SPEAK RIGHT HERE JUST GONNA DIE. FROM DEVOTIONALS!
Blonde: MOTHER I WILL NEVER DO DEVOTIONALS AGAIN! BAD! BAD!
Both: AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I WILL NEVER DO DEVOTIONALS AGAIN!
And that was my first try at family devotionals.
We will try again. We will fight the good fight. We’re like the military. We never leave anyone behind.
Also, we flipping MINTY FRESH.
We are minty team, and as I have explained, numerous times to both boys: We are all stuck with each other, I’m sorry, but you can’t just go live with another family.
But next time devotionals will involve four pounds of M and M’s, soft music, and maybe the Care Bears.