So, this morning, I was up with the chickens.
Literally. Chickens. SOMEONE in my very respectable neighborhood is HARBORING CHICKENS. I can HEAR you, rooster! I know you’re around here somewhere. And, as I want to buy eggs from these people, I will say no more.
Anyhow, I was up EARLY, y’all.
Wanna know why? Well, I shall tell you.
I worked out:
This is what Steve does when I do my HIIT stuff. He feels so bad for me, gasping away to the tiny girl on the glowing tv, that he reaches his paw out. As if to say,
“Dude. Take a break. Sit. Be still. Like me.”
NO, Mr. Fat Furry! I still have fourteen burpees to do, and they are so fun! And so aptly named! Kelli, al la Fitness Blender is a tiny and sweet girl who manages, somehow to be perfectly toned with washboard abs but still totally not annoying, gets me through something where I plank and slap my arms and sing the Star Spangled Banner, all at the same time. Then, she asks me to do a lateral hop, which sounds cute and like a bunny, but only if that bunny has a death wish. And then, I die.
Nope. DIDN’T DIE. Even after the hopping. I then had coffee, and I put on real, adulty clothes. Usually it’s all running shorts and tshirts with holes in them around here. But No!
Not today! Know WHY????
I’ll tell you. In a minute. But FIRST:
Ok. I’ll tell you. I am substituting today. I know. I built all of this up to make you think I was meeting with California people who wanna make Bottled into a movie. Still waiting on that one.
I showed up three hours early. Evidently I am not supposed to come until 12:30. I am just way too excited about this gig.
Wanna know WHY?
BECAUSE IT’S FOR MUSIC OH MY GOODNESS I AM GONNA GET SIIIIIIIING.
Have I ever told you? I have always kinda wanted to be a back up singer for Pink. I mean, I don’t think she even has backup singers, but in my head I made them up and I was one of em! Because that’s what my head can do!
My head can also put me in the lineup to interview The Rock one day and also, to win the Olympics in dressage, OR rhythmic gymnastics. Take your pick.
So, anyhow, whilst making breakfast for the wee cherubs this morning we had this conversation:
Blonde: Mom. Mom. You’re gonna be my teacher today.
Red: *silently chewing.* He doesn’t speak much until 8 am. That’s when he turns on and he doesn’t shut off until 12 hours later. Quite the battery on that one.
Blonde: Mom. MY teacher. I’m not gonna call you Mom though. And I will also be really good in class. So, you don’t need to worry about nothing.
Me: I KNOW. I am SO EXCITED. And I get to SING! Music teacher! BOOM!
Red: *coughing* Mom. I know it’s before I’m supposed to speak, but I gotta say-
Blonde: Don’t. Sing. Just no. Please. For the love of God. Do your duty. No singing.
It’s ok. I’ve got a backup plan. I’m bringing THIS:
And I’m gonna tell them allllll about how I was first chair, and in KU marching band, and then?
I’M GONNA PLAY “SEND IN THE CLOWNS.”
My children will be so proud.
Here is, by the way, an obligatory first day of school pic. I know. I am just NOW posting this because I kept forgetting. That’s because I have way more important things to do. Like practice my scales and figure out if an interpretive dance while flauting is over the top.
Besides, this might be the last picture I have of them, because after this afternoon they might not speak to me again.