You guys. Parenting should never just hope for the best and lean on fate. It should never overplay its hand. Or wait for the luck of the draw. Basically? Anything related to the word “gambling” should not be in the same suit as parenting

(You saw that, right? Are we not in total awe of me?)

Parenting is a science, y’all. And for those people out there who say gambling is all just science and math and numbers, well, you go, Stephen Hawking*. I’m not gonna argue. I  don’t even have the time to elaborate on my metaphor and plus, science is much too thinkie for me right now.

Oh, you know it. I just said it. I am anti-thinkie today. And you wanna know WHY?

CHILDREN. CHILDREN, THAT’S WHY.

If you please, I would like to present to you my plan to stop thinking about my parenting because I only have a few years left on this planet and if I don’t want to end up a mumbling heap of wrinkles in ten years, I am going to start NOW.

MOMSIE’S PLAN TO STOP THINKING ABOUT PARENTING:

AKA

LET’S JUST DO THIS ALL WILLY NILLY.

I know some of you read some parenting books, just like me. I read most of them right before cherub #1 was born and I took notes and journaled and planned and was READY to get ON it with the parenting. I was a thinkie beacon of parenting light, I tell you.

And then that little dude came out of my nether regions and all of it just went south. Nether regions too.

Here. Let me provide a visual to explain:

(NO not of the nether regions! Good heavens. )

I no longer have a plan. I fly by the seat of my pants, people. My kids are a bit twitchy, but they’ve survived. In fact, in some ways, the Willy Nilly model has served them well. Just the other day I heard Blonde kid (#1, he started this whole mess) clock Red over the head with his light saber and then they were all mad and hated each other forever and then within FOUR minutes giggling commenced because one kid called it a fart saber. I don’t even know which one did it, but it certainly provided some comic relief. And so, logically…

*I am pretty sure Stephen Hawking is all about physics? Not so much gambling? But he’s super smart, right? Anyhow, I wanted you to at least know that I knew that.