Hey, did you know that gratitude works?

Like, it works for all the things.

It works when the common cold feels like the plague. Gratitude: modern medicine and kind husband who works double so I can sleep.

It works when mediocre food makes it to the table. Gratitude: we have food. And a table.

It works when your children are being punks. Gratitude: you have a big house. With two floors. Also, a dog that will never bark at you in a certain tone. His devotion is pure and never involves statements like, “What? We’re eating that again? I don’t wanna die today, Moooooom.”

It works when you’re slated to speak in front of a rather large crowd and you start to devolve into that amoebic state of patheticness called Momsie is an Imposter and Everyone Will Leave the Presentation Halfway Through,

Gratitude: Nobody left half way through. And I was told to come back and keep doing my thing.

Also, there was a mixup with my headshots (read: I forgot and sent the old ones) and so the group was confused. Who was this silver lady? And this happened:

Momsie: Y’all. I decided to finally just embrace me and all my silvery goodness. I am, after all, the #silverfox.

AND THE GROUP OF MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS APPLAUDED AT ME. ABOUT MY HAIR.

That moment, in its entirety, pretty much was the apex of this whole conference.

Also, this happened in an earlier presentation about compassion and mental health:

This made me instantly love this presenter and I bought his books. Perhaps I should try in that my future marketing. #yoda and #momsie. #cobranding.

Also there was this:

Hotel view. My corner room. Not too shabby.

And this:

My nightlights.

And also, I walked down to the Pier and Little Italy, and yes, there was pizza. Also a hotdog and perhaps a bagel too. #carbshappen

Hmmmm. How many hashtags can she use in this post? #toomany

Also, as is my way, I decided to venture out with nothing but a dream and my phone on 5% battery. (Also, I was fully clothed because that kinda sounded like I wasn’t?) My phone tried; it really did. But I did this when I was in New York, and St. Louis. The only way, honestly, that I can find myself anywhere is if I live there. Otherwise I go out there, into big wide world, with NO BATTERY POWER and thus, I get lost.

But I bought a mug and was able to take a picture before it died, so there’s that.

(ARGH! The PHONE, not the MUG. Watchit there, Momsie. Your participles are dangling.)

So, did I make it back? Did I survive without GPS?

Of COURSE I am. I have the skills of a Navy Seal, y’all. I stealthed my way around a very wet and rainy city and made it back with ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM MOM, DON’T CALL ME AFTER YOU READ THIS AND LECTURE ME. But I was rather cold.

And now I am all warm and cozy and in this location:

Yes. It’s a bar.

I’m fine.

It’s an exquisite bar and it has really soft cushy seats and my phone is all plugged in and happy, AND they’re playing Johnny Cash currently. And then… well, there is this:

 

My preshus.

Friends. I haven’t had a burger in about four years. And let me just tell you? If that burger had met me a few years ago… and I had been single? Well, it would have given Brian a run for his money.

Also, the two dudes at the table next to me are speaking French so I have hit the apex of sophistication. So far, from all my listening in, I have heard the words, “but” and “fourteen,” so obviously they are discussing something really important.

And, by the way, if you look closely at the above picture of bar? Raiders of the Lost Ark is playing on the tellie.

So, in sum:

I am never leaving this bar.

 

The end.