A Blind Guy, a Robot, and Darth Vader Walk Into a Movie…

Guys, Netflix has SO much awesome stuff right now. I have already talked to you about my love for Moana (well, the boys love it too, but mine is a deeper kind of love. I’m in a serious relationship with the song “You’re Welcome.” It especially makes me happy when the occasion merits an actual “You’re welcome” and I get to break into song. My children so love this. It’s like when they fight and I start with the “Let it Go” business. Big showstopper, that one.)

And then, there’s Sing, and I’m humming, “I’m Still Standing” on the daily as well. It’s a good Mom song. By about five pm, we moms all feel a bit triumphant that we’re still vertical.

There’s so much singing going on over here. I’m a regular Julie Andrews, I tell you. But, shouting “I’m SHINY!!” tends not bring my children in concert with me, with matching outfits and Austrian accents. In fact, most times when I start crooning they sort of sidle away with a pained expression, muttering, “Always with the singing.”  But, you know, one day they might join me and we will enter a contest and climb some mountains to flee the Nazis. Don’t even get me started on this possibility.

Anyhow. This month, I am going to give you a non-singing option to dial up for  movie night because OH MY GOODNESS IT IS REALLY GOOD.

I am a total Star Wars snob, ok? The first rule of Star Wars is that we don’t talk about the Star Wars prequels. When Jar Jar speaks we turn away.

And, we actually straight up sobbed in the theater when Han died. (By “we” I do mean me – but third person sounds cooler.) My husband actually had to put his arm around me. And then, I couldn’t speak of it for two days afterwards.

Trust me, the Star Wars is strong with this one.

So, when Rogue One came out, as a “Star Wars story,” I was skeptical. Would it just be another weak CGI’d mess with whiny characters and costumes that are more interesting than the actors? (Yes, Princess Ami-blah blah. Your hair was better than your acting).

Rogue One is so good. It’s sooooo good. It has STUFF in it that just… is SO GOOD.

Is that not a really good review? “It is so good!” They should have used this in their press release:

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The hubs and I had a movie night. There was popcorn. A blind guy took down nearly twenty storm troopers because he can.

A robot stole all the best lines.

And then, there is Vader.

Chills. People. He’s in there. I might have squealed a little.

The movie has lots of neato Easter egg for the nerds who are always on the prowl about this sort of thing. Not me, of course.

But… doesn’t this look familiar?? I mean, HOW COOL IS THAT! (tiny nerd squeak)

 

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I’m gonna tell it to you true – the good guys get hit hard in this movie. Rogue One has really intense battle scenes and some hard moments when the good guys sacrifice their lives. It’s a hard message. Love, bravery, sacrifice, family, courage. Truth. War. Faith. It’s all in there.

But, the good guys keep trying. They keep fighting the darkness, even when the odds are very high that they won’t make it. Very high.

As a mother of two boys in 2017? I need this message. I really, really do.

Save the rebellion.

Save the dream.

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As a StreamTeam blogger, I get to watch Netflix and chat about it. It’s a great gig.

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It’s probably not a puppy.

You GUYS.

My husband texts me: You gotta box from UPS.

I text back: Cool! Is it my boots? I am set to get some faux leather suede deep blue kinda almost a smokey blue but maybe they’ll just be navy I dunno booties with a cute little almost Burberry kinda plaid in sole  that will look sooooo cute with my skinny jeans they were super cheap on sale target I am so excited!

Husband. No.

Me: Oh. Ok. Well. Is it a puppy?

Husband: Dear I am clearly not in the mood to text-spar, which is what you like to do with me when you have just had a cup of coffee, and then you get all quippy on me, and I can never really tell when you’re joking. And good Lord, no, it’s not a puppy. That’s just disturbing.

Me: …

Husband: Oh for pete’s sake. Stop text-sulking.  Just, here LOOK.

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HOLY GIGANTIC PUPPIES, BATMAN.

THAT’S A BOX.

I mean, who CARES what’s inside of it! I don’t think I’ve received anything this colossal on my porch since we ordered a new water heater and the surly, evidently very tired delivery guys propped it up at the BOTTOM of our steps with a lot of grunting and resentment because I guess one should NOT have water heaters delivered. So we’re gonna just leave it all three feet from your front door to make a statement. Taking water heaters up three steps is against our work contract.

But, I digress. (And, yes Lowe’s that was all YOU.)

This box is gonna be WAY more fun than a water heater. Wanna know why?

It’s a box from the Great and Mighty Netflixes!!!!!!!!

Wooo hooooo!

Ok, ok. Here are some things I know about the box:

  1. It is heavy. Pulling it inside involved a lot of heaving and I did end up stepping on the dog so there was an element of pain involved, but I am over it. Hoz, maybe not, but he’s not part of the equation. He doesn’t watch Netflix.
  2. It is about the size of a small pony. A flat, dead pony, but still.*
  3. It is soooooo not opened yet. I am waiting to do so with the kids, because usually my boxes from the wonderfulness that is Netflix involves stuff my kids like. I don’t even need to DO Christmas anymore. Merry Netflix!
  4. This whole writing thing really does have its benefits at times. And by that, I mean, yes, I got a book deal and I am writing rather regularly for some nice publications and making some rather decent dough, blah blah blah. But really? I GET MAJOR SWAG FROM NETFLIX! WOOT!

Stay tuned. I will be happy to proudly flaunt in another post the mysterious contents of the box that is taking over our living room soon. I know, the suspense is just crazy, right?

And, well, speaking of suspense…

(I know, right? WHAT a segue. You are getting your money’s worth today on this post.)

I am now going to share with you one of my all time favorite suspense movies that is now available on Netflix. Like, favorite suspense movie of ALL TIME.

Ahem, but first, let me start by saying:

  1. You’ll never feel the same about Laverne and Shirley again.
  2. Initially, it totally looks like something you would just skim on past … like The McLaughlin Group*, only in movie form.
  3. Bad 70’s hair.

But wait! Don’t go! There’s also:

HARRISON FORD.

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Harrison Ford is in The Conversation, for all of ten minutes, and he TEARS it UP. Why?

Because he’s HARRISON FORD.

The Conversation, directed by Francis Ford Coppola, is a tightly paced, up close, and very addictive movie.  And it just happens to have my movie crush, Gene Hackman, as the main character. He’s a good guy, with a rather weird job, and we get sucked in and watch in horror as things start to unravel for him. It’s one of the best “things are not as they seem” thrillers I have ever viewed, and y’all? I have seen a LOT of movies. This was Coppola’s quiet little masterpiece that followed up The Godfather (you’ve heard of The Godfather, right? “Leave the gun; take the cannoli”?)

The Conversation has been reviewed by Roger Ebert (I love him, and wrote about it here) as one of his favorites. It’s just so twisty-turny, and at times plays off as downright horror. Excellent stuff. It was made back when movies had writing that really was the star of the show. Needless to say, there is no CGI in The Conversation. And that’s ok.

If you’re not for the classic movies type, but want to binge watch some quality suspense tv,  I also recommend:

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This series is produced by Netflix, and it certainly delivers with the suspense. It’s a western! It’s a murder mystery! It’s kinda scary at times! It started out as a book by an actually very good writer! It has pretty scenery! And lots of sheep!

And here’s the deal: If you are kinda sick of creepy criminal mysteries that are getting more and more strewn with gory viscera, but are less and less able to follow a simple plot line, this show is a good choice.

Ok, so now I have left you with two thriller options to help keep you on the edge of your seat until…. (cue scary music):

WE FIND OUT WHAT’S IN THE BOX!

I know! The suspense! It’s all pins and needles up in here! HOW WILL IT END, PEOPLE!!!

Stay tuned and happy watching.

As a Netflix Streamteam blogger, Netflix asks me to watch their fabulousness and them chatter about it. It's a great gig.

As a Netflix Streamteam blogger, Netflix asks me to watch their fabulousness and them chatter about it. It’s a great gig.

*Don’t worry. No puppies or ponies were boxed in the making of this post. I am not crazy. So don’t email me.

BUT, some members of The McLaughlin’s group had hurt feelings that I said their show was boring. So, I’m sorry, McLaughlin Group.  Here’s a puppy.

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Wednesday and What We’re Watching: March #NetflixKids

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My goodness March has been flying by.  Literally.  We had a wind advisory here yesterday and I believe it snatched up at least three or four days of March and done flung ’em somewhere into April.

Incidentally, my hair just LOVES wind advisory days.  Generally, I will make it out to the porch steps, and then my hair will LOSE ITS MIND and go all Bridget Jones in the convertible scene.  Subtract from this scene:  Hugh Grant, British accents, simmering looks from Colin Firth, and glamorous weekend getaways.  Also, add the following:  two toddlers, an angry cat trying to escape the house, whining, and the sad understudy of a Toyota Matrix instead of a convertible. But otherwise:  All THIS IS SPOT ON, I TELL YOU.

My sweet boys have been a bit befuddled by the weather lately.  This is entirely my home state’s fault.

We live in Kansas: The Wheat State.

Forget wheat or soybeans, I think we should just call it what it is:

Kansas: The Weather Here Will Make You Nervous. 

I think Kansas needs to start airing PSA commercials about its climatic issues, or at least publish some sort of pamphlet, so that when my toddlers get all questionney I can just toss it at them and say, “Read this.  Kansas will explain.”*  This is the state where one day it can be sunny and 62 degrees and then decide, “Enough of this!  Let’s totally freak people out on the facebooks!” and go for snow and ice the next morning.  I am not exaggerating one bit.  (Ok, I KNOW, I DO exaggerate nearly all the time, like a million times a day and all, but NOT when it comes to the weather.  That’s silly.)

So, Blonde and Red and I keep having these conversations:

“Mom? Mommy?  MOM?  It’sa raining now?  But der’s snow all over da car and I think, slippy stuff?

“Ice, dear.”

“Well, I thought you said Spring had uh SPRUNG OUT?”

“That was yesterday.  I was overly excited.  I sprung out.”

“But… Spring is when we can fly our kites?  When is it SPRING?  Ders SNOW ALL OVER! WHEN kites?”

“Well.  Soon? I don’t know.  Stupid snow.”

“MOM!  Dat’s a bad word!”

“I’m sorry, kid.  I saw a crocus yesterday and I got a little giddy. No, don’t ask.  ‘Giddy’ just means GULLIBLE.  Because Kansas just smacked us upside the head.  Tomorrow, a hurricane.”

“WAT.” Both toddlers freeze.  This is rare, so I dial back my snark.

“I’m just kidding…  sorry.  Sarcasm foul.  I’ll take a timeout.”

“Whats ‘gullibough”?”

“Darling boy.  You.  And I love you for it.”

So, in defense of the Midwest, I would like to add that Kansas does provide us with all four seasons.  Heartily.  We have BIG snow, and SCORCHING heat, and TORRENTIAL rains, and we do BLUSTERY like nobody’s business.  We just like to mix them up an awful lot. This is terribly confusing to toddlers. I feel sorry for preschool teachers in Kansas.  How do they survive the weather chart in the morning?

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Hows about all five in one day? Things like this make toddlers weep with frustration.                                                                                                 Carson-Dellosa @Amazon.com

Fear not nervous Kansans!  I have found an immensely helpful tool to deal with all of this:

TELEVISION.

And when I say television, I mean:  IT’S REALLY COLD OUTSIDE AND I’M SICK OF IT SO LET’S HUNKER DOWN.

Now, don’t start tsk-tskking me.  We get outside.  We do.  At times we head to the park, or rake up leaves, putter in our garden, and play soccer and frolic about like daft lambs.

And at other times, we watch The Magic School Bus on Netflix and learn about the weather.

We start with Magic School Bus In the Arctic, (only fitting), and ended up with Magic School Bus All Dried Up (in the desert – wishful thinking).  We’ve watched The Magic School Bus Kicks Up a Storm and Makes a Rainbow, and even The Magic School Bus Gets Eaten.  That last one isn’t really weather pertaining, but it’s really cool and gross and my boys love the whole lower intestine part.  That, my friends, is fabulous television to a toddler.

I have to say, I love this series. It’s old school 80’s style, with a lot of cameos:  Little Richard, Dolly Parton, Ed Asner, Dan Marino (I kid you not).  There’s the lovely Lily Tomlin as Miss Frizzle, the “Get messy and make mistakes!” teacher who is bat-poop crazy and totally certifiable, but heck. It’s just a cartoon.  They can get away with that stuff.

We watch and then we understand a bit more about WHY the errant snowflakes are still whisking by our windows, or how the water cycle affects us all so much more than we ever knew. (CONDENSATION, YA’LL.  IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND.)

Thank you, Oh Magic School Bus, for helping me with the six majillion weather related questions I have been weathering (I KNOW, RIGHT! You see the pun?? SEE IT!?  I am awesome.) for the past few weeks.

… And since we also need a bit of viewing for the older crowd:

Here’s one other little Netflix nugget I would like to share with you:

COLIN FIRTH.  POST- BRIDGET JONES.  IN ALL HIS ADORABLE FIRTHY-NESS.

Insert British accent here:  Do watch.  Have a cuppa.  Enjoy all the lacy dresses and parasols and flippancy.  Nobody does flippant like the British, by jove.

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Adorable adaptation of a brilliant play by the wordsmaster, Oscar Wilde.

 

And nobody does Dreamy like Mr. Firth.  🙂

*Pamphlet-teaching is awesome.  I use ’em all the time.  I have one entitled:  “Why My Mom is Muttering” and “Poo Does Not Belong There.”  These are brilliant and helpful.

Disclosure: I’m a member of the Netflix #StreamTeam.  Netflix comp the service we were previously paying for in exchange for my monthly posts and ramblings about movies and family viewing.  I love this.  I watch movies and then chatter about them.