You GUYS.

My husband texts me: You gotta box from UPS.

I text back: Cool! Is it my boots? I am set to get some faux leather suede deep blue kinda almost a smokey blue but maybe they’ll just be navy I dunno booties with a cute little almost Burberry kinda plaid in sole  that will look sooooo cute with my skinny jeans they were super cheap on sale target I am so excited!

Husband. No.

Me: Oh. Ok. Well. Is it a puppy?

Husband: Dear I am clearly not in the mood to text-spar, which is what you like to do with me when you have just had a cup of coffee, and then you get all quippy on me, and I can never really tell when you’re joking. And good Lord, no, it’s not a puppy. That’s just disturbing.

Me: …

Husband: Oh for pete’s sake. Stop text-sulking.  Just, here LOOK.

HOLY GIGANTIC PUPPIES, BATMAN.

THAT’S A BOX.

I mean, who CARES what’s inside of it! I don’t think I’ve received anything this colossal on my porch since we ordered a new water heater and the surly, evidently very tired delivery guys propped it up at the BOTTOM of our steps with a lot of grunting and resentment because I guess one should NOT have water heaters delivered. So we’re gonna just leave it all three feet from your front door to make a statement. Taking water heaters up three steps is against our work contract.

But, I digress. (And, yes Lowe’s that was all YOU.)

This box is gonna be WAY more fun than a water heater. Wanna know why?

It’s a box from the Great and Mighty Netflixes!!!!!!!!

Wooo hooooo!

Ok, ok. Here are some things I know about the box:

1. It is heavy. Pulling it inside involved a lot of heaving and I did end up stepping on the dog so there was an element of pain involved, but I am over it. Hoz, maybe not, but he’s not part of the equation. He doesn’t watch Netflix.
2. It is about the size of a small pony. A flat, dead pony, but still.*
3. It is soooooo not opened yet. I am waiting to do so with the kids, because usually my boxes from the wonderfulness that is Netflix involves stuff my kids like. I don’t even need to DO Christmas anymore. Merry Netflix!
4. This whole writing thing really does have its benefits at times. And by that, I mean, yes, I got a book deal and I am writing rather regularly for some nice publications and making some rather decent dough, blah blah blah. But really? I GET MAJOR SWAG FROM NETFLIX! WOOT!

Stay tuned. I will be happy to proudly flaunt in another post the mysterious contents of the box that is taking over our living room soon. I know, the suspense is just crazy, right?

And, well, speaking of suspense…

(I know, right? WHAT a segue. You are getting your money’s worth today on this post.)

I am now going to share with you one of my all time favorite suspense movies that is now available on Netflix. Like, favorite suspense movie of ALL TIME.

Ahem, but first, let me start by saying:

1. You’ll never feel the same about Laverne and Shirley again.
2. Initially, it totally looks like something you would just skim on past … like The McLaughlin Group*, only in movie form.
3. Bad 70’s hair.

But wait! Don’t go! There’s also:

HARRISON FORD.

Harrison Ford is in The Conversation, for all of ten minutes, and he TEARS it UP. Why?

Because he’s HARRISON FORD.

The Conversation, directed by Francis Ford Coppola, is a tightly paced, up close, and very addictive movie.  And it just happens to have my movie crush, Gene Hackman, as the main character. He’s a good guy, with a rather weird job, and we get sucked in and watch in horror as things start to unravel for him. It’s one of the best “things are not as they seem” thrillers I have ever viewed, and y’all? I have seen a LOT of movies. This was Coppola’s quiet little masterpiece that followed up The Godfather (you’ve heard of The Godfather, right? “Leave the gun; take the cannoli”?)

The Conversation has been reviewed by Roger Ebert (I love him, and wrote about it here) as one of his favorites. It’s just so twisty-turny, and at times plays off as downright horror. Excellent stuff. It was made back when movies had writing that really was the star of the show. Needless to say, there is no CGI in The Conversation. And that’s ok.

If you’re not for the classic movies type, but want to binge watch some quality suspense tv,  I also recommend:

This series is produced by Netflix, and it certainly delivers with the suspense. It’s a western! It’s a murder mystery! It’s kinda scary at times! It started out as a book by an actually very good writer! It has pretty scenery! And lots of sheep!

And here’s the deal: If you are kinda sick of creepy criminal mysteries that are getting more and more strewn with gory viscera, but are less and less able to follow a simple plot line, this show is a good choice.

Ok, so now I have left you with two thriller options to help keep you on the edge of your seat until…. (cue scary music):

WE FIND OUT WHAT’S IN THE BOX!

I know! The suspense! It’s all pins and needles up in here! HOW WILL IT END, PEOPLE!!!

Stay tuned and happy watching.

*Don’t worry. No puppies or ponies were boxed in the making of this post. I am not crazy. So don’t email me.

BUT, some members of The McLaughlin’s group had hurt feelings that I said their show was boring. So, I’m sorry, McLaughlin Group.  Here’s a puppy.