Halloween: Keep It Silly and Safe, With Netflix

Oh how I used to love scary movies.

Then, I had children. And I was faced with much more scary things, like never sleeping, or the McDonald’s play zone.

Also, life is scary enough. I’m talking to you, 2017.

At our house, we have a rule: We don’t do creepy for Halloween. We’ve been astronauts, and superheros, and Charlie Brown and Snoopy… and yes, now that the boys are getting older, we’re Darth Vader and Kylo Ren, which is a teensy bit scary. But, there are no bloody machetes, or zombie guts, so I’ll take it.

What I’ll also take is this movie, every Halloween, as I answer the door and divvy out the goods. I always watch it, every Halloween.  It’s just a wee bit scary, I guess. But mostly? It’s hilarious. It’s one of those films that I tend to quote, all the time, to anyone who will listen. I can’t help it. Thank you, Netflix, for streaming this classic:

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Somehow, this movie helps balance out all the zombies with bloody machetes that come calling.

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Halloween is a lot of fun, and my boys have been looking forward to it since, I don’t know, April? We’ve been busy working on our costumes, and insisting that we buy the good candy (#TeamReeses) Which is all find and dandy, but that just means we break into it at least a week before the actual holiday. Quality control, I guess.

Netflix is also helping out with your trick or treating plans. The Skylanders offer up some helpful hints to make sure the night goes happily for all:

Whether you dress-up as a heroic Skylander or an evil Doom-Raider this Halloween, it’s important to stay safe as you fill your trick-or-treat bag with yummy candy. Spyro and his heroic team are busy making their costumes, but everyone’s favorite evil genius Kaos has taken a break from being bad to share some Halloween safety tips with you. Be sure to share this video to make sure everyone has a scary good time while trick-or-treating!

Happy Halloween, from Momsie (who always, and forever, will dress up as a very non-creepy and totally bad@ss Princess Leia), and Netflix.

 

May your night be spook-free, and sugar-laden.

 

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As a Netflix Streamteam blogger, I get to watch the awesomeness that is Netflix, and then chatter about it on my blog. It’s a great gig.

 

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A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Mother’s Day

Gonna blog for #NetflixStreamTeam today. And also, be a bit mushy. You’ve been warned.

 

As a Netflix Streamteam blogger, Netflix asks me to watch their fabulousness and them chatter about it. It's a great gig.

As a Netflix Streamteam blogger, Netflix asks me to watch their fabulousness and them chatter about it. It’s a great gig.

Y’all. I don’t much care for Mother’s Day.

There. I said it.

I know. It sounds all wicked stepmothery of me, doesn’t it? Well, maybe I should embrace this role. The wicked stepmother should get props, I think, for at least being practical. She has a household to run and two daughters who have terrible social skills. She is on survival mode, people.

And then she has the sweetie pie, Cinderella, who has befriended vermin and always has good hair. It’s WEIRD.

It’s also possible I am reading a bit too much into this whole story, but you know, I never promised you a neurotic-free post.

Well, and then, there’s also this:

Mother’s Day Expectations:

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Really, small blonde? How’s that stocks section? And, don’t you think that’s enough carbs, mommah?

Mother’s Day Reality:

I’m gonna find a sock with macaroni and cheese in it under the bunk bed. And I’m gonna have to clean it.

Because, crazy does not wait.

Even on Mother’s Day.

Ok, so this Mother’s Day, my beloved decided to take me dress shopping. I have an actual book signing coming up, in which I will be rubbing shoulders with REAL AUTHORS OH MY WORD (Pun? See it? I’m good) and I need to look legit. And smart. And bookish. And, like I know what I’m doing, and also thin.

Here’s how it all went down:

Hubs: Let’s go Dress Shopping for Mother’s Day!

Small boys: US TOO US TOO US TOOOOOOO

Momsie: Lord. Give me strength.

I know, right? Mother’s Day is not for the faint at heart.

So, there I am, at a changing room with mirrors all up in my business and fluorescent lighting and my heavens, why don’t we just shine a spotlight on me while we’re at it, right? And I am actually trying to discuss dress sizes with the hubster, which is demoralizing, and I kinda just want to collapse and ask for a sack cloth and ashes and call it done.

And then, Red suggests this purple number because he loves da purples. And I eye it. (I am out of the changing room at this point and dressed – I know I changed locations and didn’t want you to get confused and visualize me in my underwear. Me, IN my underwear underneath all those lights with the mirrors crowding around me was enough visuals for me – you don’t need to go there with me. Poor dears.)

So, I grab the purple dress even though it isn’t really anything I would ever wear, because Red is now cheeping like a small bird, “Dis one! Dis one mommah! It’s der purples! PURPLE!!!!!!” and I fear all the women in the store will start to think he’s special.

And then I try it on. (We’re back in the changing room.) And I blink. And come out of the changing room.

And all three boys (hubs included) smile. Blonde says, “Whoa. Dude. That’s NICE. You’re so pretty, momma!”

And I look in the mirrors, and tell them (the mirrors, not the boys), “Back OFF shiny ones! And behold. I AM pretty! No. Not that. I am HOT.”

It’s possible I embellished this with a quick hair toss. The boys all gasped and applauded.

And that’s how I now love Mother’s Day.

Now, how, you ask, does Netflix tie in to all of this? Well, because. Cinderella. Duh.

I know. It’s mushy. Stay with me. This is not normally my thing, the mush, but it has to be said.

Moms get lost under a layer of snot, whining, and malaise. We find sweatpants by the bed as we jump up to get the six-year-old to school on time, and we wear them with pride because our uniform merits comfort and stretch. We don’t mind, really, that we have a coffee stain on our t-shirt right smack where one should not be looking at our t-shirt. We embrace the coffee stain. “I love you, coffee stain,” we say, as we sashay down the drive way. “You are my piece of flair for the day.” We do all this for the most part. But lately, me with my coffee stains and my flair? I had been feeling a little bit… invisible.

Anyhow. When I stood under all those lights with the mirrors snickering, I put on that dress, and for a moment the darn mirrors got all misty. Or it was my eyes. And I pushed back my hair and tilted my head, and I felt VISIBLE. And gorgeous. And it wasn’t just the dress. The dress was just a… portal. It helped me see Me.

We all love Cinderella stories, because we know they are our own stories too. We love them because our wrinkled hearts need ironing out too every once in a while. And, Netflix has a slew of these movies that lift and tuck the tired soul. Movies like:

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and…

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and…

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But, my favorite, hands down, all time bestest Cinderella movie, besides the one with Gus Gus? Well, this one:

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It’s the real deal. Watch it some night when you have found yourself surrounded by toddlers and chaos for just a little bit too long for your liking. Once the cherubs are asleep, fix yourself a chocolate malted, some popcorn, and put your feet up. We all have a bit of Cinderella inside of us, because, after all, we all have days where we have to clean macaroni and cheese out of places no one should ever have to.

And we all have a fairy godmother. It’s the friend who takes us to get a pedicure and listens while we explain that we can’t, we just can’t do another day of laundry and crazy and strange stains in the bathroom. Or, it’s our sister who sends us texts that make us laugh when we have, once again, managed to make dinner a mediocre mess. Or, it’s even our husband who rubs our feet while we watch Netflix, and we renew and recharge for another day of Momhood.

Rock on, mommas. Be brave. Find your inner Cinderella. And:

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Throwback Thursday: #NetflixKids and #Streamteam

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Ya’ll, look at us.  We’re tan.

Oh, and, we’re getting married.  🙂

My beloved is about to delicately place cake in my mouth because I had warned him:  UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES DO YOU TRY TO BE ALL FUNNY AND SMOOSH CAKE AT ME.  YOU WILL RUE THE DAY.  RUE IT. 

The newly acquired husband listened.  In fact, he is a pretty good listener on all sorts of things.  Even now, after alllll these years.   He even says, “Yes, dear,” to my requests without irony or sarcasm.  I am so steeped in sarcasm that I kinda think the potential for snark is constant, but nope. Not with the hubs.  He is incapable of snark. It’s WEIRD.

Anyhow, did I ever tell you that I really, really wanted Johnny Cash to be played at our wedding?  (Just stay with me here, it will all tie together in a bit, even the #NetflixKids part.)   Yes, I really did.  The sweet church lady who was helping me arrange our wedding was a bit… nonplussed by the suggestion.  So far I had hit many walls with this helpful, albeit VERY VERY VERY traditional organizer lady.  I shoulda known.   When I met her, the first thing I noted was the VERY VERY VERY impressive bee-hive hairdo, circa 1962, and the fact that she really REALLY did look a bit like this:

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Bless her heart.

 

Here’s how our meetings went:

Me:  I would like sunflowers at all the tables, and some gingham tablecloths… you know, a country wedding look!

Church lady:  Sniff.  Gingham?

Me:  Here’s a tissue.  Yes, gingham, blue checked.  Like the outfit that Mary Ann wore in Gilligan’s Island.  You know, vintage but sassy.

CL:  (Confused by my crazy tangents) Gilligan’s… What?

Me: Right!  And we’re not going to have cake.

CL:  WHAT.

Me: Nope!  We’re going to have PIE.  Pie at every table!  Pie for everyone!  YOU get a pie! and YOU get a pie!!  You know…

CL:  Now you’re doing Oprah.  That car episode hasn’t even aired yet.  Your readers are going to get even more confused.  And pie is tacky.

Me:  Ok.  So we’ll have cake too.  I know, someone has to cut cake and we eat it and everyone takes pictures and if you do that with blueberry pie it might stain my dress.  I get it.

CL:  I’m still confused about the Mary Ann thing.

Me:  BUT.  This is important.  I want Johnny Cash to be played when we come down the aisle.

CL:  (No response, but the light is glinting off her glasses and she kinda looks like she’s about to explode.)

Me:  Please?

CL:  Johnny… CASH?

Me:  RIGHT!  That’s what HE said:  You know, “Hello, I’m Johnny Cash“!  That’s the ticket!

CL: No.

Me: Please????

CL: NO.

Me:  “Ring of Fire”?

CL:  (strangled noises)

Me:  “Jackson”???

CL:  And the beehive just exploded.

 

Anyhow…  What really transpired is a nice collection of hymns that dear Mr. Cash sang for us as we waltzed down the aisle.  No “We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout” for us.  This is probably for the best, since the song doesn’t exactly describe wedded bliss.

Sigh. But it would have been cool.

 

Yes, you say, that’s all cute and stuff.  But how in the heck does this at all connect to #NetflixKids?

 

Because, dear readers, I just found this throwback gem the other day:

 

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JOHNNY CASH WAS ON SESAME STREET, YA’LL.

 

In honor of Throwback Thursday, I was dialing up some Classic Sesame Street episodes, looking for my favorite Bill Cosby moments when I found… THE MAN IN BLACK.

I haven’t been this excited since I found out Jack Nicholson was on The Andy Griffith Show not once, but TWICE.  (I’m not kidding, you can look it up.)

 

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Cuddle up with all the classics: Bill Cosby, Madeleine Kahn, Lena Horne, and so many other time-honored moments. My boys love them, as do I!  I am, after all, getting close to being classified as vintage.

 

And, in true #TBT fashion, enjoy: