Let me show you how I got some help and worked my way through my Birthday Cake Phobia:

Seriously, I could barely keep wee ones and the hubs back long enough to snap the picture.  Ice cream cake, ya’ll.  Frozen creamy validation that yes, I, Momsie, CAN actually make a birthday cake that elicits “Oohs and Ahhhs” from the adoring masses!  Not so much for its aesthetic impact, but much more for its ice cream and peanut butter and swiss rollie goodness, for Pete’s sake.  Who CARES about aesthetics!  Just hand me a spoon.

Recipe:

Buy some Swiss Rolls.  You know, the chemically enhanced chocolate rolls of PMS medication that you eat the ends off and then unroll…  The ones your mom would never buy for you even when you pleaded…  (She never bought you pudding cups either, and you are trying to work through it.  ‘Course, you won’t buy those things either for your preshus darlings, so there.  But still. You’re sorta conflicted on this one…)  The ones that can probably stay in their self preserved, cellophane wrapped goodness for 5 years or so, and you don’t CARE because the cream filling is just highly processed yummola, I tell you.

Ahem.  But I digress.

1.  Unwrap a whole box of Swiss Rolls (try not to suck a few down in the interim) – layer an 8X8 baking dish with the little suckers.

2.  Allow your favorite ice cream to soften on the counter a bit (or if you are impatient, zap it for 20 seconds or so in the microwave – but that causes some leakage and mess if you aren’t watching and…  well, patience might be the best route in this one.)

3.  Smoosh the ice cream over the Swiss Rolls.  Put in freezer for an hour or so to harden.

4.  Find some leftover frosting in your fridge, towards the back. Or use peanut butter, if your husband wants a peanut butter chocolate cake, and smear the frosting over the hardened ice cream.  You are welcome to use the store bought frosting (I am a frosting-snob, I must admit) or skip this step.  Also, a chocolate ganache  is super easy to make and would be just about swoon-worthy here.

5.  If you have cookies laying around (har har), crumble ’em up and sprinkle over this layer… or coconut… or grahams… or nuts…  Something for texture.

Allow cake to harden in freezer for a bit longer.  Resist the urge to call it good and get a spoon.  You’re not done yet!

6.  Delicately goop gobs of whip cream (I know, I will push for the real stuff because it’s CREAM and it’s so goooooood, but Cool Whip? No probs,  it is lovely too) all over the frosting.  And then top with chocolate chips or candy or sprinkles (I used Reeses – the hubs is a relentless peanut butter guy).

Yesssss.   Back in the freezer,  my Preshus.

Wait for what seems a horribly long time (after the birthday dinner, which, let’s face it, was just a prelude.)

And voila!!  Candles and “Happy Birthday” and you are the Queen of Cake, I tell you.  You. Are Redeemed.

From this:

These lovelies are my chocolate peanut butter cupcakes that I made for hubs’ last birthday.  They are also affectionately referred to as The Poo Cupcakes.  I know. It kinda sneaks up on you, doesn’t it?  If you have a newborn or puppies, you get it.

They tasted good.

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