3:47 am.  Invasive:

“Kin I sweep here?  My room is too empty.  Can you skootch over?  Is der a light in da hall on?  Can I hava my draink?  Will you get me a drank?  Why we back in my room?  Why?”  (Repeat two times)

6:43 am. Tactless:

What you doin mommah?  You reading? Dat? Dat right there?  Is dat a bible? THE bible?  Are you in it?”

 

6:44 am. Epicurean:

“When we eating? What we eating? When? What? And, may I ask, will it be a healthy meal with a nice variety of fresh choices representing local and organic markets?”

6:45 am.   Slightly annoyed:

“Wat? I eat da organic.”

7:45 am.  Spiritual:

“Wat you doin?  You praying?  For wat? Why, mommah?  Why you praying for strength? Me too!”

7:55 am.  Very.  Loud:

“Where are you?  Why you in da bathroom?  Why shut? Why shut? What is “privacy”?  Is it a snack?”

8:00 am.  Existential and practical:

“You are here now but are we here now? And can I eat again? And then poop?  I can eat first.”

8:01.  Festive:

“Mommah did Santa ever have a cat? I think he needed to have a cat on the sleigh.”

8:04. Carl Sagan:

“Der are billions and billions of chimneys for Santa?  He needs a rocket.”

8:08.  Thorough:

“Can I eat again? Is der a snack? Canna I have da crackers and milk? And some chicken?  And oranges? And a bananan but cut up in THREE pieces I am THREE so I need da pieces to be thrwee, ok?  OK OKAYYY?”

8:21.  Intelligent:

“Why you putta on dat? Wat is dat? It is for your lips? It’s RED.  You don’t need it mommy.”

8:27. Sensitive:

“Why? Why won’t Santa let him play with der reindeer game?”

855: Optimistic:

“Is it lunch time NOW?”

9:09.  Political:

“If I take outta da trash can I have a snack?  I swepted da floor for you too.  An all da crumb thingies go in the cat bowl? Now can I have lunch?”

9:13.  Utopian:

“Can I have all the chocolate Santas for my lunch forever?  It’s sunny so I can have all them and no tummy ache and every day, ok?”

9:30:  Frightening:

“Whent does the other baby come here?”

9:35. Tourrettian:

“WHERE IS YOUR PENIS?”  (Context:  public bathroom.  Of course.)

9:37:  Brusque:

“You prayin?  Again? Didn’t He answer yet?”

10:00.  Unsanitary:

“Where my underpants?  Where day go?  I had ’em before I pooped but the poop was a LOT so I lost ’em. Why you make dat face?”

10:00:01. The straw:

“Mommah?”

10:00:02.  That broke the camel’s back:

“MOMMY? Where you are?  You in der? In da BATHROOM?  Again? Wat you doin? Why? Where? Why?  Is da cat with you?  Why the door shut?  You pooping?  You going poops?  Is it da poopies?  Can I see? What doin?”

10:01.

“Red.  I just need you to stop talking for a minute.  Just for a minute.  For mommy.  When I say I don’t want to talk it means that I don’t want to talk.  I just.  You are.  I can’t.  It’s just.”

“YOU JUST ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS.”

“Wat?  And why da all caps?  I aska lotta questions??”  Brief pause.

Then:

“HOW MANY?”

11:52. Redeemed.

“Mommah, you will marry me one day, right? Right?”