My word. Children are expensive. Did ya’ll know this?
I thought I would look up how much the sweet cherubs are gonna cost us (interwebs and instant information and all that) but I knew, I KNEW, that doing so would make me start breathing really hard and I would have one of those fun 3 a.m. conversations with God that go like this:
WHAT. IN. THE. WORLD.
WE ARE GOING TO END UP IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.
YOU REALIZE THIS, GOD, RIGHT? A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER.
ONE OF THOSE 70’S ONES WITH SHAG CARPETING. ORANGE SHAG.
IT WILL HAVE A PICTURE OF HORSES GALLOPING ON THE SIDE, I BET.
THIS IS LUDICROUS. I CAN’T LIVE IN A VEHICLE WITH HORSES. MAYBE A RAINBOW, THOUGH.
WE COULD BUY A COW. KEEP IT IN THE BACK YARD.
COWS ARE MESSY. OUR NEIGHBORS WILL PROBABLY TELL ON US.
I COULD GIVE THEM MILK TO KEEP ‘EM QUIET.
NOW OUR NEIGHBORS ARE GOING TO BLACKMAIL US. HOW RUDE.
I DON’T KNOW HOW TO MILK A COW. I BETTER CHECK ON YOUTUBE.
MY DAD KNOWS. I COULD ASK HIM TO MOVE IN WITH US.
UGH. WE’RE GONNA END UP LIVING WITH MY DAD, IN AN AWFUL NEIGHBORHOOD, WITH A LOT OF MANURE, AND WE’LL HAVE TO GET A VAN.
WE CAN’T AFFORD A VAN.
I REALLY NEED TO GET MY BRAIN TO STOP CAPITALIZING EVERYTHING.
This week with Organize Now is another toughie. It’s entitled: Organizing your Finances.
I can’t do that. I have two toddlers. They are money suckers and sometimes? Sometimes I dream about dollar bills just bleeding out of our chimney, into the claws of some great Bill Collector Vortex in the sky, like that demonic mountain monster thing in Fantasia. Only this monster is wielding a calculator and Dave Ramsey book.
I know. I have a very vivid imagination.*
So once I finally mustered up the courage to read a bit of this week, I was encouraged, because I realized that I had already DONE the majority of the items! Yea Momsie! I am a financial GENIUS!
(Lawyer clears throat loudly.)
Ok. I am a financial middle-of-the-road normal person. Perhaps there is no shaggy van in my future.
I still have some work to do for this week, but here are some biggies I have already accomplished (sotto voice: because I’m a GENIUS.)
- Figure out fixed vs. controllable expenses on a monthly basis (This took about two months of just collecting every snippet of receipt or bill and basically lining them all up, recording them, freaking out, then praying a lot.)
- Use that info (after you pray over it heavily because Good Lord please it seems like we are just throwing money around here like beads at Mardi Gras) to formulate a budget.
- Make a concerted effort to pay bills at the same time each week and put it on the calendar.
- Keep bills in one organized location, along with stamps, checkbook, your strongest resolve not to freak out about said bills, and like six million bibles, because money stuff really FREAKS ME OUT.
- Stop freaking out so much. Trust Jesus and seek wisdom. Ask for help when needed.
That last one was a bit more mine 🙂
So, working on being wise here this week. I’ll keep you posted. Being wise is hard and I hope I don’t strain anything.
But also, I did find myself Googling this beauty:
* These kind of dreams seem to crop up after I have snarfed down Frito chili dog pie, with extra onions, for dinner. My wisdom only takes me so far.