Tuesday Takeout and Toddler Confusion

 

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Monday is usually pasta night at our house, but today I decided to be a rebel and go for this switcherooni:

Breakfast for Dinner!

I know. Breakfast instead of pasta night?  Living on the edge.

Edge-living, however, confuses toddlers.  When I listed out the menu (as I am asked, every day at about 4 pm, “Wat doin? You making our dinner?  What are we gonna have?  Canna it be mac and cheese? Is der gonna be green stuff init?”) and I rattled off:  “eggs, bacon, hash browns…”  they both furrowed their sweet brows and said: “Dats for MORNING time.  Dis is DINNER. Nighttime.”

“Look, ya’ll, let’s live a little.  Let’s have eggs.  Change is good, wee ones.  And! We are also having BISCUITS.”

Did they respond with joy and gratitude because baked goods were coming their way?  Nope.  We had full out toddler befuddlement due to the fact that my children are weird.  The deal is: Every Wednesday night they attend (with much gusto and anticipation) a church program called His Kids.

But, my kids don’t call it that.  Nope.

They call it:  “BISCUITS!”

It all started way back when the wee blonde was three and we were illegally trying to get him into His Kids (age requirements? Nope, just GO small one, saunter IN, and MINGLE my darling.  Please.  Go away where someone will talk to you about Jesus for an hour and feed you, so your mom can sit and talk to other women and not have to WIPE anything for a bit.  Ok?)

He was, after all, three years old and that’s when toddlers really are like Cute on steroids.  And thus, he christened His Kids “Biscuits” with that adorable toddler lispyness we all love so.

He is now five and it’s still going strong.  The propaganda has spread to Red, so when I told him about our menu tonight he got all confused – was tonight when we go to church and Jesus and candy there and alllll his friends and candy and we get to run around and be as loud as we like because sugar? And Jesus?

Uh.  No.  But did I mention I’m making eggs?

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Best cookbook ever.

 

Homemade Buttermilk Biscuits When You Don’t Have Buttermilk*

2 cups flour
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 generous tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons unsalted butter or shortening or even LARD, very cold
1 cup buttermilk (approx)  OR:  1 cup milk with one tablespoon lemon juice added (the earlier you do this the better to “proof” the acidity in the milk.)
Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
In a bowl, stir the flour, soda, baking powder, and salt with a whisk to combine.  Add the butter or shortening (I used shortening.  I know.  GASP.  Very bad for you.  Etc. Etc.) and mix with pastry cutter, or fork, until small “pea size” chunks.
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Add the buttermilk.  Or the buttermilk imposter that works REALLY well, because, really, I NEVER HAVE BUTTERMLK.  It’s just an ingredient at which I draw the line.  Martha Stewart probably has oodles of it in her ‘fridge.
Stir dough until it pulls away from the sides (I add a little less than a cup and adjust as needed here).  Do not overstir!
Turn out, knead just briefly to allow dough to come together.  Dough will be very soft and smooshy!  Roll out to about 1/2 inch and then paint with butter (sometimes bacon grease.  I know.  GASP again. Etc. Etc…).
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Fold the dough over and use a small glass to cut out your perfectly soft little circles of goodness.
Paint a bit more butter on top if you wish.
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Place on ungreased baking sheet and bake for 10-12 minutes until golden brown.
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Give to toddlers and tell ’em:  “This will help you get over His Kids not happening till tomorrow.  Right?”
They aren’t answering.  They’re munching.
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You’re welcome.

And lo, Momsie made biscuits.  And she gave them to her wee ones.  And it was good.  Especially with lotsa jam.

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