We are back from a nice trip to see the family over Thanksgiving. I ate my way through so much turkey and dressing it’s a wonder I don’t start strutting about and peevishly pecking at the ground, all Momsurkey.
Just bear with me though, because I would like to oh so briefly* comment on one thing that didn’t happen whilst we were away:
I NEVER GOT ANY SLEEP, PEOPLE.
THIS WAS A BIG PROBLEM.
As much as it’s a magical time of year, and we’re all Thankfuling all over ourselves, I’d like to put it out there that I would be really, really grateful for just a teensy smidgeon of shut-eye. PLEASE.
I’m a bit grumpy. Ask my husband. He will verify.
Allow me to explain. My sweet family and I are happily kenneled at our father-in-law’s house for the Thanksgiving break. This is wonderful because we have our own little apartment on the second floor, with its own bath, and two very comfy beds in which to loll about and actually sleep in. BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT BEDS ARE FOR, AFTER ALL.
Yep. Toddlers slept. Husband too. How, you may ask, do I KNOW THIS? (Brace yourselves, ex students. I totally overuse the ALL CAPS rule in this post because I have aggression issues when I don’t get enough rest.) Let me repeat, HOW DID I KNOW THIS?
Because I was watching them.
Here’s the formula:
2 Beds / 4 people = 2 persons per bed.
Evidently this formula was born in a magical math land of fairies and unicorns and no mothers. Mothers make the formula all:
4 people/ 2 toddlers +2 beds = UNSOLVABLE, YOU FOOL.
It’s like that unworkable formula that drove Russell Crowe nutty in A Beautiful Mind.
I have come to find out that when sleeping, as in life in general, ones expectations need to be really, really low. And so, it works out that everyone gravitates to the most grumpy and disappointed person in the group (because, expectations), ME, and piles in HER angry bed.
It doesn’t help matters too that the darling husband seems only to snore when we’re traveling. I don’t understand it. There should be some medical reason for why he only channels his inner snorty wildebeast when on the road. I think he has figured out that I am super sleep deprived and has decided to torment me (more so than normal), or toughen me up (because, marriage).
Let me give you some visuals to help with your understanding of Momsie’s fragile mental state at this point:
1. Exhibit A: a cozy bed. Nice pillows. This is not the actual bed at my father in law’s. I was too tired to think about taking real pictures. This is a stand in bed. Stunt pillows.
2. Exhibit B:
3. I am grateful, however, that we don’t have to deal with Exhibit C (C is for Cat):
Bonus points to you if you know the movie Logan’s Run. It will make this post all the more meaningful, I hope. If not, go rent it. It is all 70’s and bad special effects, and will probably put you to sleep, which is KIND OF WHAT I WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW.
I am home now, and dealing with the aftermath of travel.
4. Exhibit D:
My theory, here, is to join the cats in their guerrilla style attacks of the bed. I will sleep on the extreme level. If that means I am going to curl up for ten minutes while the boys run their Tonkas over me and make me part of their Lego fortress, so be it. I have nooks and crannies. I can be a fortress. At this point, I am ready to slip into a short coma while in the shower.
Drop and sleep! Whenever, wherever. I’m like the Marines of lethargy, people!
*Ha HAA AHA HAAAAHA ha haarr har har. Did you really think I could be brief?