I would like to thank Netflix for the wonderfulness of my marriage. (I was going to say, “…for saving my marriage” but that’s not even slightly true as our marriage status is always at, say, a 7.5 on a scale of 1-10. I am only including this disclaimer because my mother reads my posts and she’ll be calling me later if there is a whiff of trouble brewing. WE’RE FINE, MOM.)
My POINT is that Netflix has added much FLAIR to an already very happy and content marriage. And by FLAIR, I mean,
ALL HAIL KING JULIEN!!!
Ok, now before you get any weird ideas, let me explain.
(The lawyer has once again interjected that NO one HAD any weird ideas until I mentioned them. That, perhaps, I am the only one WITH weird ideas. I asked him to leave.)
Friday night at our house is pizza and movie night. We make pizza with teensy bits of green stuff in the sauce (VICTORY) and then we watch some mind numbing movie with Thomas the Incapable, or Christian Vegetables, or some such (FAILURE). So I sit, eat my pizza, knit, fold laundry, multitask out the wazoo (painful) in some way, and the babies zone out in that toddler way while Thomas yet again proves that he is a bit of a loser who never listens, and he so needs to be scrapped.
Lately? I have found myself a bit… bored. I’m tired of laundry. I’m tired of knitting. And we have watched EVERY Veggie Tales movie in our cue – we need something NEW, ya’ll. Don’t get me wrong; I love vegetables who want to teach us about Jesus. I really do. But I know all the lines. ALL of ’em.
We need something new.
And in pranced King Julien! Thank you, little furry lemur guy with the funky accent! First of all, you SAVED our New Years Eve with the King Julien countdown (BRILLIANT, NETFLIX) so we got to take the babies upstairs at nine pm and call it a New Year (although, I know, Blonde did smell a rat on this one and kept pointing out “dat it’s NOT midnight! WHY are we going to bed and IT’S NOT MIDNIGHT, MOMMY?” I answered him, “Because it’s against the law for six year olds to stay up past ten. If you stay up past ten, a police officer will come and knock on the door and interrogate you. Which hurts a bit.” This caused him to blink at me, but since he will be studying for the bar soon, he decided to not argue with the law.)
I do realize that flat out lying to my children has a statute of limitations. It’s a risky move. But I will go there. There was chocolate pie (the non sharing kind) to be eaten, and a movie to watch, and cuddles with the hubs – so I lied. You don’t know my life.
King Julien has enough sass to actually make me stop multitasking for a few minutes and WATCH. And for that, I thank you, Netflix.
Because here’s what happens when I multitask:
1. My brain gets tired. Tired brain = Brain wants bed.
2. Hubs ends up watching ESPN by himself. Nothing good can come from that.
3. Another opportunity for meaningful communication over which movie to choose, or at least a decent foot rub, is lost.
4. Our marriage stays at the 7.5 rating, instead of a solid 8, where it should be.*
So now? Movie night is SAVED! Hurrah!
And also, this happened:
Don’t be distracted by the demon cat with glowing eyes behind me. He’s just jealous because I received my Official Adventures of Puss In Boots Netflix Calender. THESE ARE THE REASONS I BLOG, PEOPLE. SWAGGGGGG.
I am not sharing this little gem. It’s going in MY office, where I can stare at Boots’ furry cuteness and try to stay organized at the same time.
So, I am grateful, Netflix, for my 7.5 of my marriage AND that I can keep track of my appointments and meetings (for the most part because a lot of times I don’t look at calendars. I know. They’re supposed to be helpful tools. Calenders are hard.)
*Why, you ask, only an 8? Why not, say, a 9? Or, even a 9.5?
Well. A few reasons.
1. I married an engineer. Engineers are rather, uh, shall we say, Spock-ish.
2. I am not Spock-ish. I am loosey goosey. Artsy Fartsy. Feely Weely.
3. That whole “Marriage is not all about you; it’s a refinement; learn to forgive; sacrifice; blah diddly blah blah blah” stuff they talk about in all those marriage books and the bible? Yep. Alas. True.
So, marriage is the cheap toilet paper of life, at times. But for us? only 2% of the time.
LOOK I DID MATH! Maybe I am rather Spocky after all.
And, did you know? Netflix also carries ALL of the Star Trek episodes. All of ’em. I should know.
Because: Marriage = Big Fat Sacrifices. Blah blah blah.