I think I have convinced my children that I have super powers.
I do think, also, that all mothers actually DO deserve a cape. And maybe a sparkly head band or blingie metallic wrist bracelet thingies. I can rock the boots and big hair, I tell ya.
But along with the cute outfit, comes these wonders:
- Ears that can hear Sharpie being applied to a cat from fifty yards.
- Eyes in the back of my head. Always thought this was kinda creepy. I get it now.
- Ability to discern fake crying from real crying in less than three seconds.
- Ability to use the phrase, “Eat some raisins. They’re nature’s candy” with total aplomb.
In fact, I am the bomb at aplomb.
(Sorry, just had to. How often does one get to use ‘aplomb’ in the day to day? I am giving this gift to you.)
The only* area of Wonder Womanness that I am failing at these days is, um, getting my kids to be generally nice and, well, kind and patient with each other. But… So NOT a big deal, right?
Basic kindness is overrated anyway. Just watch reality television for five minutes and you’ll see.
However, as I am aiming for utter perfection in my world at all times, I have found myself rather stuck on this problem with congeniality. They love each other, yes. They are related. Yes. But after school? They come home and just sort of hate on each other’s guts until dinner.
Okay. It’s driving me freaking crazy.
So once again, I have dialed up my favorite parental tool for help:
TELEVISION TO THE RESCUE!!!!
I snark, but I also must explain: my kids do only get to watch an hour (oh how they covet that one hour, my preshus) on the weekdays, and usually it is administered when they slide in the door after school because their little brains are all mushy and they have the social skills of a tired rattlesnake at this time of day. We eat a snack, and then we cuddle, and then they watch this new offering from the Great Netflixes:
Can you imagine the meeting at Dreamworks for this?
Chris Gall (author of the illustrated children’s book series): Hey. What do kids love to watch?
Dude: Uh… construction trucks. Also, the donuts being glazed at Krispy Kreme.
Gall: Ok! Also, dinosaurs! They like those too, right?
Dude: Um, so… what you’re saying is…
Gall: Combo package!!
Dude: Dinosaurs Order Krispy Kreme? Co-branding! Brilliant! It’ll be a hit!
Epilogue: Chris Gall is still happily working and successful. Dude is NOT.
Netflix’s new show Dinotrux is set in the Mechazoic period, and it features Ty Rux, part T-Rex and excavator, who has a really, really good grip on how to be KIND.
In fact, Ty Rux WORKS WELL WITH OTHERS! He SHARES HIS STUFF! ! He remembers that HE IS NOT ONLY FIRST!!!
And so on. You get the point? If I utter all the above phrases… it sounds like this:
“BWA WAH WA WAH HA WAHHH WAHHH I AM MEANEST MOTHERRRR EVERRRR.”
If Dinotrux gets in on the action? It soaks in. A little.
I’m not saying I’m using Ty as a surrogate momma, but these days, I’ll take all the help I can get.
Notice his catch phrase. “What’s in it for me?” Now, this is rarely said out LOUD statement at our house. No one would actually have the audacity. But, it’s there. This whole “ME ME ME ME” thing is pervasive, and, much like my laundry room after things start piling up, a bit rank. When my kids get tired they tend to… put themselves at the front of The Great Big Line of What’s Most Fair in Life, and they don’t understand when someone barks at them: “Hey, NO cutting!”
“I am second,” is something my husband and I talk about. And TALK about. And we pray about it. I go in after they’re sleeping and lay hands on them and say, “Lord, PLEASE fix them. Just make them KIND! YES! Be HEALED! Like, now? Thanks! Amen!” **
Also: I subliminally insert “I am second” into their dreams re a hidden tape that plays at night… (Please don’t tell them. I read about this once in the great book, How to Brainwash Your Children, and we’re hoping it works.)
Thank you, Skrap-it for backing me up. Skrap-It is a Back-it, as it were.
(I am so sorry. I know. First the whole ‘aplomb’ cheesiness and now this…)
Your littles will enjoy Dinotrux. And you will enjoy it because it’s all about teamwork, playing fair, and PATIENCE. If we watch a bit more, I might be able to shut off the subliminal message tape.
But, I did notice the other morning that Steve the Cat meowed, “After you, my sweet friend,” to Bob the Cat at breakfast bowl… so perhaps not.
Thank you, Netflix!
*Thank you to the lawyer for not making fun of my use of the word “only.” As if.
** So far this type of prayer has worked to make only ME a TEENSY bit more patient. It has not made the children perfect yet. I am thinking Jesus might be holding out on me for that one.
Wanna watch a trailer for Dinotrux? Click here!