So, we decided to to the Staycation at our house this spring break. For various reasons.

Reasons like:

1. We’re broke.
2. Also, we’re tired.
3. And a little boring.

 

So, home, guys! HOME! It’s just LIKE the beach except no annoying sand! Or water! And I don’t have to slather you with lotion, so bonus!

One of my children informed me that HIS friend got to go to Royals Spring Training over spring break, and I informed him right back that that was impossible. Royals Spring Training is a mythical place, like where the Easter Bunny and Santa live. Also Disney. We can leave out a plate of pine tar and maybe some bubble gum, and maybe the Royals will be here with another World Series win soon.

So it’s all Staycation at Momsie’s house. It’s like we’re our own Sandals resort except… no it’s not that at all and I’m gonna stop now.

Besides, as I have told my children, when I grew up Spring Break was just about doing a lot more chores and helping dad till the garden. They both just blinked rapidly at that one and backed away.

Ok, so on our Fabulous Staycation we:

1. The zoo. Everyone was tired. There was a lot of lolling about. The flamingos were pale. It was that kinda day.
2. Bowling. It was dollar lanes on Tuesdays! I watched my wee sons hurl bowling balls for two hours with zero accuracy! It was awesome!
3. Random jumping on trampolines at other people’s houses. Sometimes the houses were occupied. Other times not so much. We have not been arrested yet.
4. Tomorrow we’re going to do some sort of golf thing that’s all neon and dark and has an arcade. I don’t know. It was my friend’s idea. I am not sure there is enough Exedrin to prepare for this, so I can’t write about it here. Shhhh. We won’t speak of it anymore. It’s the Fun Kid Thing that Cannot be Named.
5. Another zoo on Friday cuz I get to see a friend I haven’t seen in a majillion years. Therefore, totally worth it. Maybe the animals will have figured out they’re on spring break and be up and about. Partying. Like animals.

Ok, amidst all this frivolity, we have hit mid week of Epic Spring Breakapalooza 2016 around here.

This is about when the enthusiasm wanes a bit and we all start to hate each other.

And for that I have a great remedy:

TELEVISON. TELEVISION FIXES EVERYTHING.

Don’t judge. We don’t judge here, at Momsie, right? I am just being honest and you KNOW there have been times when you too have foisted television on tired children because their brains can’t handle anymore spooning animals. At some point in the day, television, administered with the loving grace of a tired momma, is here to SAVE THE FLIPPING DAY BECAUSE PEOPLE I HAVE TO WRITE SOMETIME.

This entire BLOG is fueled by television and caffeine, my friends. So you can thank the mighty Netflixes for the Pulitzer material you have here, ok?

Our new favorite? ANYTHING Lego. We have officially been bit by the Lego bug. So, lately, the boys have been watching this:

You know why I love this, right? It has no dialogue. Just music and an occasional siren. It’s kind of soothing, like watching a fireplace, just with good guys and bad guys and jail time.

Also: totally educational. Teaches my kids how to obey the law or they’ll end up in the slammer. Very important.

Then,there’s also this:

Ok, I have to admit, I fought this one. You know –  Swords! Fighting! Flying dragons! Special powers! It all seemed so… NOT Curious George.*

Y’all, my boys do still watch Curious George. Occasionally I can even slip a Thomas the Train in there too. But, I have to accept that they like swords and stuff. They are five and seven years old, and yesterday they tried to make a sword out of a foam finger. Which was rather comical.

Now, you wonder: which came first? The chicken (my boys) or the egg (Ninjago)? Did I fuel this nuttiness? Or did it just come about on its own?

I don’t know. That’s why there is an entire wall of parenting books in my home. I don’t have time to read them right now, but I’ll get back to you on that.

So, I mutter the Serenity prayer, and my boys watch the good guys battle the bad guys, and good girls too – Nya rocks it:

This:

But I digress.

So, after an episode of this Ninjago business, my boys promptly run upstairs and find their foam swords that I bought them and start whacking each other. This lasts for at least an hour.

So, also: Totally educational. They’re learning about other cultures. Also: Sword play is a great aerobic exercise, y’all. Healthy.

Oh friends. If I could keep them at Thomas the Train, I would. But since Caillou was also another of their favorites at that time, I will have to say, let’s move on from the whiny bald kid, and learn how to do a ninja tuck and roll into the kitchen when I call you for lunch. It is impressive and has lots of flair. Caillou couldn’t do that.

That is the barometer around here: Essentially, if it can kick Caillou’s bum, we are all for it.

* Netflix ALSO has ALL the awesome PBS kids show you love: Curious George, Thomas the Train, Martha Speaks… Word Girl (LOVE her!) And yes, Caillou. He’s there too. The weirdo.