Spring Break and Netflix. Oh yes, you bet they go together.

 

 

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Parenting. When what you expect and what actually happens NEVER MATCH.

This also is the case for a lot of our silverware, all of our socks, and my six year old’s fashion choice today.  So, at least we’re consistent.

Last week was Spring Break. I kept thinking I would write THIS post when it WAS actually spring break, because Momsie is so relevant and timely, but good gravy. Spring break nearly broke me.

It all started with the take home math packet.

So, just so you know, I blame it all on my children’s teachers. They are out to get us.

I don’t even remember for sure which boy got the math packet. But I do know that when I spied it, all smushed in his R2-D2 backpack, that I felt a little flutter of excitement. It’s that Mom Buzz that I get every time I think I might have a Positive Learning Experience with one of my spawns. “Lo! Here is a math packet!” I crowed. “And, we shall learn all the things over break! This shall be a break from technology! We’ll take nature walks! We’ll work puzzles! I think I might try to learn another language! Besides Pig Latin, which is so big at our house right now!”

And on and on. Momsie went off the rails on the whole Fun and Educational thing.

At about two o’clock Tuesday afternoon, I decided to put a stop to all things educational and considered playing the Quiet Game for the rest of the break.

Anyhow.

What I did instead was realize, as I have so often before, this wonderful nugget of information:

TELEVISON. TELEVISION FIXES EVERYTHING.

Relax Moms. It’s not like we watched it from Tuesday on. But we reveled in the popcorn movie night (as one of Momsie’s favorite thing ever is her couch, and popcorn, and nighttime. They go together like constant fatigue and sweatpants, I tell you.)

And on those movie nights we didn’t watch movies. Nope. We watched… (drumroll)…

Somewhat Educational Stuff.

Which really means I just picked stuff that I like and told the boys it was that or a bath. So, they learned something, AND avoided personal hygiene. Winners all around. (?)

The kids and I watched two gems from the mighty Netflix.

Here’s the first one, that is NARRATED BY A BRITISH GUY AND YOU KNOW HOW I AM ABOUT BRITISH THINGS:

 

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In this series, The British Guy (Kevin McCloud) presents to us a strange breed of people who are “self-builders.” This means, they take strange old buildings, ones that aren’t really supposed to BE homes… and they make them into homes. Like, they “self-build” themselves right into an old movie theater.

Or, aherm, that’s theatre, if you’re British.

And, it’s bloody brilliant.

First of all, the builders usually have about five children and are obviously nutty as a fruitcake to even attempt this. But they DO attempt it, and they do so with that typical British cheerful oblivion to discomfort and mess that we Americans cannot even try to fathom. So, it’s like House Hunters International plus Property Brothers plus The Great British Bake-off when someone’s Victoria sponge slides off the table but no one even bats an eye and …oh you get the idea.

But wait, there’s more.

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Holy smokes, y’all. People are so smart. Did you know this?

Abstract: The Art of Design reminds you that the world is smushed full of really cool, innovative, interesting, creative people.  And you guys? I don’t know about you, but every once in a while, I REALLY NEED TO BE REMINDED OF THIS.

We watched the episode on automative design. And then I sent the cherubs to bed and binged on the one about architecture, and graphic design, and illustration, but had to stop because the husband wasn’t home and I knew this was one of those Family Shows to Watch All Together kind of things. I showed great self-control and watched only two more.

Or three. I lost count after the one about stage design.

Look, I know Netflix is there for you for your guilty pleasure. It’s got your Grey’s Anatomy. It’s got your kids’ Ninjago.

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If you have boys, then you know.

It’s got Santa Clarita Diet which I really want to watch but am also kinda scared. I’ll keep you posted.

 

But, Netflix also has stuff that inspires and makes us dream and imagine, and just zings with creativity. These are the kinds of shows I watch and then, when I’m not watching, I’m thinking about them. They make me… percolate. As a writer, this stuff feeds my soul.

Oh, and back to my children? They’ve been drawing up plans for flying cars for ninjas all week. So, you can thank me later, automotive industry. Two semi-brilliant thinkie types are coming your way.

All because of Netflix. 🙂StreamTeam_Red&White_BlackBackground.png

Spring Break. And Netflix. Thank Goodness.

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So, we decided to to the Staycation at our house this spring break. For various reasons.

Reasons like:

  1. We’re broke.
  2. Also, we’re tired.
  3. And a little boring.

 

So, home, guys! HOME! It’s just LIKE the beach except no annoying sand! Or water! And I don’t have to slather you with lotion, so bonus!

One of my children informed me that HIS friend got to go to Royals Spring Training over spring break, and I informed him right back that that was impossible. Royals Spring Training is a mythical place, like where the Easter Bunny and Santa live. Also Disney. We can leave out a plate of pine tar and maybe some bubble gum, and maybe the Royals will be here with another World Series win soon.

So it’s all Staycation at Momsie’s house. It’s like we’re our own Sandals resort except… no it’s not that at all and I’m gonna stop now.

Besides, as I have told my children, when I grew up Spring Break was just about doing a lot more chores and helping dad till the garden. They both just blinked rapidly at that one and backed away.

Ok, so on our Fabulous Staycation we:

  1. The zoo. Everyone was tired. There was a lot of lolling about. The flamingos were pale. It was that kinda day.
  2. Bowling. It was dollar lanes on Tuesdays! I watched my wee sons hurl bowling balls for two hours with zero accuracy! It was awesome!
  3. Random jumping on trampolines at other people’s houses. Sometimes the houses were occupied. Other times not so much. We have not been arrested yet.
  4. Tomorrow we’re going to do some sort of golf thing that’s all neon and dark and has an arcade. I don’t know. It was my friend’s idea. I am not sure there is enough Exedrin to prepare for this, so I can’t write about it here. Shhhh. We won’t speak of it anymore. It’s the Fun Kid Thing that Cannot be Named.
  5. Another zoo on Friday cuz I get to see a friend I haven’t seen in a majillion years. Therefore, totally worth it. Maybe the animals will have figured out they’re on spring break and be up and about. Partying. Like animals.

Ok, amidst all this frivolity, we have hit mid week of Epic Spring Breakapalooza 2016 around here.

This is about when the enthusiasm wanes a bit and we all start to hate each other.

And for that I have a great remedy:

TELEVISON. TELEVISION FIXES EVERYTHING.

Don’t judge. We don’t judge here, at Momsie, right? I am just being honest and you KNOW there have been times when you too have foisted television on tired children because their brains can’t handle anymore spooning animals. At some point in the day, television, administered with the loving grace of a tired momma, is here to SAVE THE FLIPPING DAY BECAUSE PEOPLE I HAVE TO WRITE SOMETIME.

This entire BLOG is fueled by television and caffeine, my friends. So you can thank the mighty Netflixes for the Pulitzer material you have here, ok?

Our new favorite? ANYTHING Lego. We have officially been bit by the Lego bug. So, lately, the boys have been watching this:

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You know why I love this, right? It has no dialogue. Just music and an occasional siren. It’s kind of soothing, like watching a fireplace, just with good guys and bad guys and jail time.

Also: totally educational. Teaches my kids how to obey the law or they’ll end up in the slammer. Very important.

Then,there’s also this:

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Ok, I have to admit, I fought this one. You know –  Swords! Fighting! Flying dragons! Special powers! It all seemed so… NOT Curious George.*

Y’all, my boys do still watch Curious George. Occasionally I can even slip a Thomas the Train in there too. But, I have to accept that they like swords and stuff. They are five and seven years old, and yesterday they tried to make a sword out of a foam finger. Which was rather comical.

Now, you wonder: which came first? The chicken (my boys) or the egg (Ninjago)? Did I fuel this nuttiness? Or did it just come about on its own?

I don’t know. That’s why there is an entire wall of parenting books in my home. I don’t have time to read them right now, but I’ll get back to you on that.

So, I mutter the Serenity prayer, and my boys watch the good guys battle the bad guys, and good girls too – Nya rocks it:

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This is Nya.Notice the spunk. Also, cute red outfit and great hair. I kind of want to be her. But seriously, if I attempted that haircut you know I would just end up looking like:

This:

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But I digress.

So, after an episode of this Ninjago business, my boys promptly run upstairs and find their foam swords that I bought them and start whacking each other. This lasts for at least an hour.

So, also: Totally educational. They’re learning about other cultures. Also: Sword play is a great aerobic exercise, y’all. Healthy.

Oh friends. If I could keep them at Thomas the Train, I would. But since Caillou was also another of their favorites at that time, I will have to say, let’s move on from the whiny bald kid, and learn how to do a ninja tuck and roll into the kitchen when I call you for lunch. It is impressive and has lots of flair. Caillou couldn’t do that.

That is the barometer around here: Essentially, if it can kick Caillou’s bum, we are all for it.

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* Netflix ALSO has ALL the awesome PBS kids show you love: Curious George, Thomas the Train, Martha Speaks… Word Girl (LOVE her!) And yes, Caillou. He’s there too. The weirdo.

 

 

L = Lies. Boom.

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This is a big fat L for a  big fat LIES.  See? It’s SYMBOLIC.

This is going to hurt me more than it will hurt you:

Cap’n Crunch is spicy.

Count to four, and then the shot won’t hurt.

Mommy and Daddy are just discussing something.*

Mommy and Daddy are wrestling, and it’s just very warm in here.

Do as I say not as I do. (It might be better to just skip both of these.)

Frosted Flakes?  Also spicy.

Don’t touch Mommy’s computer.  It knows.

Ok, don’t touch Mommy’s phone–it’s spicy.

There are absolutely no green things in this.

Now, doesn’t it feel good to share?

The cat will let you pet it one day, I promise.

I am absolutely speechless.

Dr. Pepper is named that because it’s for sick people. Oh, and it’s spicy.

Mommy is going twenty-five miles an hour, and thank you so very much for reading every numbered sign you see. Very helpful.

Great job pooping.

That is an awesome sculpture of a turtle .

Of course I knew that was a sculpture of daddy–I was kidding!!!

Mommy isn’t sleeping.  She’s just resting her eyes.

Broccoli?  Little trees.

Mashed potatoes?  Kinda like pudding.

That squirrel? He’s resting.

Spiderman eats this every day–he texts me.

Mommy is almost done.

Just a minute longer.

Hold on just a sec.

A few more minutes.

Yea, Barney.

Yea, Clifford.

Yea, Miss Frizzle.  (I’m sorry, but that lady paints nothing but CRAZ-EE.)

Mommy will make some cookies that are JUST as yummy as Oreos!  And good for you too! Sing it with me:  Healthy choices are the beeeeeest choices!

Remote!  Where is it? AND IT MUST BE VERY WARM ON THAT CHANNEL.**

Oh, you’re full.  Your stomach just needs to think about it.

No, you don’t really need those Legos.  You just want them.  (He needs them. It’s a fact.  At least if you want him to support you one day.)

These? They are feminine items.  Feminine?  That’s what I am.  I guess. Or was.  Where do they go?  Right now, they go on the shelf.

Mommy has HAD it.  I have HAD IT UP TO HERE.  I AM… I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!  I. AM. DONE.

(Momsie is never done.   I have never had it.  I promise. )

—–

*The hubs and I are fighting about who is more right.  It is as effective as giving cat a bath;  it’s a good destination, but there will be blood.  Just stick with a dirty cat and stay happy.

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** And please.  We only have five channels (I am totally serious). Three of these channels are PBS.  One is the weather channel.  And STILL. Sweet bouncy mother of fleshiness.  The Victoria Secret commercial?  Airing at 6 pm? Around Christmas time?  Ya, you betcha.

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It’s the Victoria Secret Show!