I think it starts with the accent. Today I am (once again) going to tell you why the British are just fabulous.
I am not going to bash America, I promise. Don’t start firing up angry emails. But I think after you read today’s post you will understand why we have a thing or two to learn from the Brits. When I was little I read books like Jane Eyre and The Secret Garden and would wander around in my back yard speaking in a lispy British accent and wishing I too was an abandoned orphan with father issues. I would be ok, because I had that unflappable thing that the British seemed to have. They are plucky.
Oh, except for the Revolutionary War. We totally hammered them on that.
But the accent. That accent covers a multitude of sins.
Here is an example:
Let’s say someone breaks into a bank and we have two witnesses. One from London, one from… Topeka.
And they both start talking.
You know what happens. Topeka Guy is completely ignored because who CARES. Mr. London guys is wearing tweed and we all believe he is a professor and all chummy with that guy who plays Harry Potter. We don’t CARE about the bank anymore. London dude is adorable! Let’s book our trip to England now! Meanwhile, Topeka guy is feeling low and starts seeking therapy. Whatever. If he had an accent he would BE the psychologist because accent = doctoral degree, right?
Am I right?
If you are not convinced, keep reading. Why? Because, it will leave you gobsmacked.
A bunch of sweet and brilliant children were on an Easter Egg hunt in a field close to Surrey, England. Ok so there was a police chase occurring nearby, with helicopters, while the sweet children were hunting away. And THEN, the children, brilliant cherubs, spotted the two criminals and they
DROPPED TO THE GROUND INTO THE FORMATION OF AN ARROW SO THE HELICOPTER WOULD BE ABLE TO HUNT THE BAD GUYS DOWN.
Yes. That’s what they did. Cor blimey.
(Ok, I am not sure Brits even say that one anymore. I am channeling my inner Bert from Mary Poppins. Because I can.)
Here, let me show you an actual picture of the Human British Kids Arrow:
Now let me point out two things:.
- These children are obviously very spiritual. This is an Easter Egg hunt, after all. They are so adorable
- However. It’s a dirt field. I think we might win at egg hunts.
Immediately after reading this article, I embarked on one of my favorite games that I play all the time. It’s called:
What Would My Children Do?
- Alright I am in charge! (Blonde. Of course.)
- Who says? Mommmmmmm. Blonde says he’s in charge! There is a helicopter this is so cool! Wait, in charge of what? Hi Mom!
- DROP INTO ARROW FORMATION! ARROW FORMATION. NO RED THATS’S NOT.. WHAT IS THAT?
- I am doing an interpretive dance. And I dropped my basket. Candy. CANDY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HELPING THE COMMUNITY.
- What we have here is a failure to communicate. Hand me a Cadbury Egg. They’re from England, did you know?
- What’s England?
England, my sweet little ‘Mericans, is a magical place that has things like Benedict Cumberbatch and The Beatles. Oh, and they use words like “wanker.” This, sweet babies, is a bad word but it still sounds ok because BRITISH.
It is clear that we have a lot to learn from our friends across the pond is that we really need to up our game on what an arrow is.
Also, basic geography.
Also, community service and steely nerves, James Bond style.
Look at them. Cheeky monkeys. All future interns for their Majesty’s Secret Service. Including the dog. He’s about as Brit as they get.
In fact… wait a minute…
Could it be?
IT’S LIKE THEY ARE TWINS.
I dare you. Gather your kids. Gather your kids’ friends. Then, put baskets in their grubby little paws and shout out:
“Good chaps! Arrow formation! Arrow formation! Save the community! !” and see their sweet little brains fizzle out as they run around with the choreography of those zombies from The Walking Dead. Then, just leave them there, yelling at each other over who gets to be the arrow point, start humming “God Save the Queen,” and go inside for a cup of tea (or a Diet Dr. Pepper, extra ice).
Fire up Goodbye Mr. Chips, and long for a better day.