Momsie’s Handy-Dandy, Super-Duper Plan for the Debate:
- Send both candidates kittens. Not, like, in the mail, because that would be weird. But somehow, get some kittens all up in there. Maybe three or four. And a Corgi puppy. Or six.
- Wait a few minutes. Kittens take a little time to do their thing.
- Make cookies. Chocolate chip. Or snickedoodles. Set out a board game. We prefer Yahtzee at our house because we like to shake the dice and feel all James Bond at the Casino-ish. It gives us an air of sophistication. Which, we really, REALLY need.
- Also, look up “cats debating” on google. Because, my readers demand this kind of stuff.
- Both candidates hug it out and say, “Well, you know? I think I’m gonna quit the race and go raise kittens on a kitten ranch. With kittens!”
- That guy who plays the president from Independence Day says, “Aw shucks, you guys. I fake-fought a slimy alien invasion, so I’ll do it!” And VOILA. PRESIDENT IN THE HOUUUUUUUSSSE.
- Geeky-Sexy as all heck Jeff Goldblum, also of Independence Day, will, of course, be vice president.
- Or, Harrison Ford. Do you remember how he kicked all the bad guys off his plane in Airforce One? Maybe he should be vice president. Or Morgan Freeman. There’s so many choices! When lately it’s been all a huge, fat, DEARTH of choices! A DEARTH, I tell you!
- Did you notice? If you use the word ‘dearth’ a lot, it really starts to sound silly.
- I know. Why don’t they ALL just form some sort of Super President Swat Team of Cool and call it done?
- I got a lot of actors in there. But then, that’s politics.
- And there you go!
IT COULD HAPPEN. IT REALLY COULD.
If you bake it, they will come.
And please. DO vote in November. It’s important. REALLY important. And pray.