Traveling to Maine this summer was not the easiest thing. Mainly because it was a long trip (you saw what I did there, didn’t you?) and for Momsie that means only one thing:

I Must Pack All the Things.

For Everyone.

And Lord have mercy do NOT Forget Anything because you will RUE THE DAY. RUE. IT.

Oh, and also make sure Everything At Home is All Right. Someone might die.

We Have Four Pets. Three Out of Four are Highly Special.

So, That’s A Lot of All Right-ing.

 

You get me?

I wonder if any of you moms have this experience. Vacation is not so vacation-ey, hmmmm? Feeling a little tired, moms, from vacationing?

It would perhaps sound here like I am complaining about the certain other people in my household, like they’re just sitting around staring out into the distance, or maybe hitting the links, or signing up for a meditation class or something, whilst Momsie runs a small circuit around her house throwing things into suitcases and muttering.

This is not the case.

Well, it’s kinda true but I won’t throw them under the bus – that’s mean and it doesn’t help relationships. The husband did do some packing and I know the boys did – but then I repacked their suitcases because their idea of packing is to smush the clothes in there and then I think they stick their hand in there like it’s a Christmas stocking and they’re hunting for something in the toe and then they also swirl it all around and the contents all find themselves askew. I don’t do askew. I do neatly folded, thank you.

I do realize that none of this makes me look good. I know I keep forgetting to de-Momsie the Momsie, but hey, as I have learned of late, being Momsie is so not normal at times.

So, during this whole Maine-aplalooza experience I learned two things:

1. Momsie is not in control.
2. You can pack for Armageddon but someone will always forget underpants.

I am not sure if underpants are going to be needed in Armageddon, but  they’re needed in MAINE. By golly.

Vacations are hard. Vacations for moms are super hard. At least, I think so, right? Because we want everyone to have Big Fun, and in doing so, I find out that Big Fun is never as Fun as we think it should be. And then nobody has any fun, at all.

Vacations are needed and necessary and also sometimes a total pain. They mean making lists and pet sitting and texts that start out like this: “You mean we should leave for the airport at four am? Like FOUR?” because that’s vacation.

But it’s the same old story. Same song, different verse.

Expectations. Expectations, y’all. They are so annoying. They’re like that one uncle that we invite to all the family weddings and who we like and is so funny and gregarious but about two drinks in starts doing a lot of sweating and hugs that last just a bit too long. It just doesn’t match up with what we want. At all.

By the way, we do not have an uncle like that, in my family. So you can relax, family, if you are reading this. I am speaking in large generalizations and stereotypes because that’s ok, right?

Right.

By the way, I wrote this post about a month ago and it’s been sitting, patiently waiting, until I had the time to post. Because it’s been a little busy. And don’t even get me started on a second book launch and what my expectations are of THAT business. The learning curve here is so huge that it’s not even a curve anymore. It’s an equator.

Momsie. Writer. Speaker. Equator-explorer. Hails from crazy-town and proud of it.

Also, sober. Always sober. Every day, sober. Just for today, sober. Forever and ever, amen.

 

Also this:

We are from Kansas. The boogie board thing?? It’s HARD. Evidently we need to get a bit closer to the wavey things.