Summertime, as described by the alcoholic.

Disclaimer: the following is me in a grumpy mood. Beware the snark attack.

 

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Y’all.

You are going make me lose my mind. Up in here.  *

Ok, I’m just going to say it: I am kind of over people going on vacation and all they seem to do is post picture after picture of a drinkies on the beach.

I mean. Honestly. We get it.

But there’s more to vacations than being blitzed on booze. Even the pretty kind that has fancy shmancy crinkly little paper umbrellas.

Now, perhaps you’re thinking: “Oh for pete’s sake, simmer down. We didn’t drink the whole time. We also did  (insert fun outing here) and you just need to lighten the heck up.”

Perhaps I do. Yes, maybe. Maybe I do. Yep.

BUT I’M NOT BECAUSE THIS IS MY BLOG. I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.

You can post whatever you want because it’s your vacation with your own crinkly little umbrella’d drinks. Totally your prerogative. But I can be annoyed by it all the same. 

Don’t mind me. I’m just prerogativing all over the place today, folks.

Alcohol is so fun guys. Those ones in the fat pineapples that just scream “Ima gonna be so blitzed after three of these sugar bombs and it’s all right because VACATIONNNNNN AND I DESERRRRRVE IT!” are a total blast. Also, they’re part of the drinks package so you must drink your money’s worth. Or your liver’s worth. Either or.

It’s just so fun. To go paragliding after a round of something blue with rum in it and forget sunblock and that you have children – total funsies.

Or to keep drinking while you’re at the pool where you also keep forgetting you have children and you start picking fights with your husband and find yourself mouth open, asleep, at four pm and your teenage son takes pictures of you and posts them on his social media with snarky remarks. Also, he drinks on the trip too because no one notices so why not? That’s so much fun.

It’s all such fun. Because it’s vacation. And you deserve it. And it’s part of the package deal. And it’s what we do.

Well, I can’t. Because I’m an alcoholic.

And… I wonder. I wonder just a teensy bit if some of you, out there, who drink… do you ever feel like you’d like to try life without “this is just what we do” as your mode of operation?

Do you ever kind of want to NOT want to drink? Or feel like you might like to do a vacation, with all its sun and beaches and gorgeous views… without alcohol?

Could we ever consider it?

But… What would we ever take pictures of? 

 

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*Dad – these are song lyrics from DMX. He’s a rapper. I know you have no idea what I’m doing here so I thought I’d include this little postscript to you to let you know your daughter is cool and quotes lyrics from rappers.

*Also the lyrics are not accurately quoted as I believe Mr. DMX said:

“Y’all gon’ make me lose my mind
Up in here, up in here.”

Journalistic integrity is important, but I just couldn’t carry that off.

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