Ok, you can worry a little.

I have just finished wiping down the entire house. Kids and pets included. And I teeter between reading the news and wanting to throw the news out the window.

But it’s scary out there, outside the window, so I won’t.

When I was younger and stupid, I used to looooove all those scary movies about the big scary plague that turned people into zombies. I had youth on my side, and a lot of alcohol in me, usually, so I would hunker down with my popcorn and my glass(es) of wine and enjoy the end times.

And NO, dear reader. I am NOT GOING THERE. This is not an End Times kinda post, I promise. Just take a deep breath and stay with me. Wash your hands first though.

This is NOT the end of the world, but it’s scary as heck.

There are also funny things about it, like my husband just calling me to tell me he’s working from home for the next three weeks and me immediately thinking, “Well, now the end is nigh.” but you know, that’s the typical marriage humor you would expect from me. Snark does not go away, even when people are going nuts about toilet paper and other people are really actually getting very sick and it’s serious and surreal, all at once.

I kept thinking of funny things today. And I kept not posting them because, well, I’ve turned a corner I think. I understand the fear. I understand how we are shutting down March Madness and schools and people are stockpiling supplies. We don’t know how to feel about any of this.

I thought, at first, it was an overreaction. But a friend of mine in the medical community explained: “We just need to be ready. The worst is not here yet and we need to make sure we’re going to have the ventilators, the beds, the supplies. We can’t be sure.”

And that’s the problem. For one who has been so very very addicted to being SURE of all the things (see all posts about #winemom and #sobermom and #perfectionism and everything in between), I don’t like this ONE BIT.

So. This is dialed up for listening today as I work:

And this is my view as I do so:

Bob doesn’t seem all that concerned. But. It’s Bob. She’s not known for her deep feelings, just a lot of purring and an insistence that she gets fed at 5 am.

Look, I know everyone and everybody has an opinion on this matter. I know that you, like me, might be feeling a little thunderstruck by all of it. This is not the part of the blog post where I summon my inner Wise Woman and give you the Best Advice Ever. I don’t have it. I kind of feel like I’m adrift, in a sea of information and missing toilet paper, and that analogy just makes absolutely no sense.

I also woke up with a fever this morning, so you know. That adds a bit of intrigue to all of this.

I’m fine. I’m sure I’m fine, but heckfire. We are a world on fire right now, and I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT IT.

And, as you know, I am an alcoholic, and therefore????? My feelings are very important to me. Like super important. They are topshelf feelings, just like all the liquor* I used to quaff when I was nervous or anxious or even a bit stir crazy.

So, here are my final bits of wisdom for you , because I’m a writer and I need a conclusion and “RUN AWAYYYYY!” is a bit too abrupt.

My Final Thoughts about All *makes circling motion with her hands* of This:

1. I’m watching my cat’s little furry tummy rise and fall as she naps in the sun, and I think about that verse in Matthew. The one about the birds in the air? They neither sow nor reap nor store away in barns nor do anything but sit in the sun and nap for hours on end, and God takes care of them (That’s my version of the bible, btw). There’s some really good stuff that verse.
2. Storing up is ok, as long as you do it with some sanity and kindness and oh my goodness cut it out with the toilet paper thing.
3. I just… I just don’t really know how anyone does anything in this world without God.

When I quit drinking, I had nothing. No soul reserves. No happy reserves. And certainly no health to lean on. Just me, my crumpled up self, and a big huge hole where alcohol used to be. And then my God (of my own understanding) said, “Now we can get to work.” And we did. And I might suggest that we see all of this like that. It’s time to get to work. Provide comfort. Be wise. Be the best humans we can be. See to the scared and sick, even ourselves.

Don’t worry.

Ok, worry a little, (or a lot, if you’re like me) but take it to God.

*Ok, who are we kidding I drank wine out of a box. #toocheap