Here is a post about Mother’s Day because:
- I am a mother.
- There is a Day that we get.
Before I go on, let me just say that I never really thought much of Mother’s Day until I finally had my own wee babies bust of my own body parts. I know. I’m sorry, Mom. Because once I had my own spawn? Oh my goodness, y’all. It was like Mother’s Day came up and smacked me upside the head then and said, “YOU ARE TIRED. THIS DAY IS GOING TO BE A CELEBRATION OF HOW REALLY REALLY TIRED YOU ARE. SO, TAKE ADVANTAGE, WOMAN.”
By the way, the committee who decided all the rules with Mother’s Day? I am thinking they’re not mothers. First of all, they decided it was going to be on a Sunday. Nope. Sunday mornings at our house? Full on nutball. Even more so than a school morning, because on Sundays we have to BE somewhere by 8 am because our church likes to worship our Lord and Savior when roosters are crowing, evidently. AND – not only do we HAVE to BE there while the sun is coming up, we also have to be FULL ON TALKY-TALKY AND SMILEY AND CHURCHY.
AND. We have to be dressed up.
And act like this is all totally natural.
Also, Mother’s Day is in MAY. Really? MAY? May is the month where the calendar just flops over on its side and starts groaning. May is the month of Let’s Do Everything.
May is a firing squad with a day-planner, ya’ll.
Why can’t Mother’s Day be on a Saturday in… say, February? It’s cold. Rainy. I could take a nap that completes me.
Anyhow.
Here was my Mother’s Day:
- Blonde’s card. The snark is strong with that one.
2. Red’s card. 
Two things: I have not ridden a bike since Red fell off his bike and we ended up in the ER due to the horrible injury involving THE SEAT OF HIS BIKE JUST LET YOUR IMAGINATION FILL IN THE HOLES ON THAT ONE.
Also, totes correct on the sleeping thing.
3. I keep finding pictures like this on my phone:
Note the slightly-crazed expression. That’s what I’m working with here, people.
4. Here is this total moment of hotness:
No… I am not his mother. That would be so weird. But he is somewhat responsible for the other two spawn and so, yea.
Plus he’s Hotter Mchotterson in those bike pants. You’re welcome for the eye candy, ladeeeeeez.
5. Also because Hotter Mchotteson is wonderful, he bought me a Ninja blender. This thing is awesome, y’all. I make my smoothies in it. In seconds. I can make homemade whipped cream (something I never knew I needed in my life quite so much as now) in seconds. I blend soups! I make lattes! I blend up ice because I just CAN! IN SECONDS! It cleans my floors! It tells me I have good hair!
Sorry. Perhaps the Ninja cannot actually talk to me, but it seriously rocks my world. And, because my last blender was THIS:
Yes. It’s filthy. And it’s circa 1897.
Let’s all just have a moment of silence, shall we, for Really Old Grungy Blender Ok? Let’s grasp hands and say a prayer:
6. And finally, there was THIS:
No, not the value pack of Lysol Wipes. Those are just always sitting around in our house because I have boys with little or no concept of aim.
Yes, this is a box.
It’s been sitting on my dining room table, along with All the Clutter of the World for about three days. I tend to ignore my dining room table, as the clutter sloooooowly starts to mingle, maybe start dating, and then starts to procreate all over the place until I lose it and start throwing stuff away whilst muttering under my breath about the bad choices that my Clutter has made.
Anyhow, this was a present, for ME that I completely ignored because Clutter, AND I thought it was for my children. And, since they get all the presents all the time, I just kinda plopped it there, for a rainy day, when they deserve a present.
My sister finally texted me to inform me that the box was for ME and to OPEN it for Pete’s sake.
And so, I did and voila!
My sister totally gets me. A jadeite butter dish! Cute!! A cute little measuring tape thing. So cute!! A game that I can play with my children! In a cute little whale bag!! CUTE!
Annnnnnd: 
As God is my witness, I thought it was drugs.
I know. Pretty much sums up my complete inability to process things correctly and also I am a horrible person.
It’s NOT drugs. It’s Zinnia seeds from her garden that are huge and gorgeous and MY GOSH WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME DRUGS? YOU ARE SICK. SICK, MOMSIE.
Ok, I didn’t really think it was drugs. But maybe, yes, just for a minute. Maybe.
7. I can’t end on the drugs thing. So, if I haven’t lost your readership at this point, here is also this:
Red drew our cats on the wrapping paper for one of my gifts. Vader and Steve. Pretty accurate, actually. One is round. The other, pointy.
And poor Bob. Always off in the corner and misspelled.
And here is this:
Steve got a nap in. I walked by, took this picture, and told him, “You go, you big fat furry. You TAKE that nap. And take one for me, too, today, ok?”
He didn’t answer, just kept on sleeping. Shocking.
And that was my Mother’s Day.
Oh, and here’s what else happened:
- 27 hugs.
- fourteen kisses (more or less)
- A whole bunch of “I love you’s”
- My Red coming in to the bedroom, all tossled with sleep, saying, “Happy Mother’s Day, mommah. You are the best mother in the whole world.”
- My husband telling me he is proud of me. And that I’m hot.
- My sweet Blonde trying to cuddle with me on the couch, all arms and legs and growing boy.
- Hosmer swearing his undying love to me. Again.
- I didn’t drink because I’m a sober mom and a walking miracle all at the same time.
- God saying, “You are a mom, and you are Dana, and you are blessed, and you are MINE.
God bless you, mommahs. In truth? Every day is Mother’s Day. It’s a privilege.
Amen?
Amen.
I loooooooooooove you. That shiny, silver thing has come between us, yet again, but still, I loooooooooooooove you.
