Ok, I think it’s safe to say that I’m tuckered out.
And here are the things I have learned while journeying through Nebraska and St. Louis on Momsie’s Fabulous Book Tour, Part Two:
- If you write it… they will come. Maybe? Or maybe not. Or maybe only a few will come. And two of them will be parents of the woman who set it up. But you know? It’s good for your ego as a writer to remember that you are not J.K. Rowling. Only J.K. Rowling is J.K. Rowling. I wonder how many times I can write J.K. Rowling in this post.
- Every hotel, everywhere, in the history of everywhere, has the same carpet and air conditioning system. Fact.
- When something called Gooey Butter Cake is on menu, you get the Gooey Butter Cake. It’s the law.
- Anytime you skype with your kids there will be fighting on screen between said kids. They like to make you feel right at home. And that’s when you start thinking about Momsie’s Perfect Book Tour Part Three.
- Reading out of your book to an audience, especially if there is dialogue, will always feel a bit weird. Sometimes you feel that sock puppets would be a great artistic choice, for added flair. At times like these, you listen to your inner publicist and you just say no to the sock puppets. Alas.
- Coffee shops have three categories: Starbucks, hipster, diner. I opt for number three whenever possible but my coffeeshop choices lately have been very kale-oriented, and thus, hipster. Man buns. Beards. Recycling signs everywhere that throw me into a mild panic every time I throw something away. And yes, very good coffee.
- Local bookstores and churches are the foundation for every community. ‘Nuff said.
- When you board the plane at 8:52 and the guy next to you orders a Bloody Mary and then asks you what you do, and you tell him you’re on a book tour and he asks you what you write about, it’s not awkward at all.
- I have learned that when signing books it’s a bit needy to write: OH MY GOODNESS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BUYING THIS! YOU ARE THE BEST! REALLY! THANK YOU!
- Not only do I get to write for a living, but now I also get to travel around and TALK about my writing. Next to singing back up for the Doobie Brothers, this is my dream job.
I am nearly done with my Momsie Perfect Book Tour, Part Two. I head back home tomorrow and I tell you – I cannot wait to see my sweet boys (all three of em) and Steve the Cat and Hosmer the dog. I’ve been told that Hos has set up a small shrine for me next to his doggie bed complete with a picture of me and my Grumpy Cat stuffed animal that he tried to make love to once and I promptly beat him with it. Sentimental value, I guess. He tried to light a candle for me but as he has no opposable thumbs it didn’t work out very well. I talked to him on our last Skype session which only made the poor little synapses in his doggie brain spark out with confusion, because I think he thinks I have passed over the Rainbow Bridge or something. Anyhow, I’m coming for you, Hosmer. Momma loves you and you’re a good pupper puppems, yes you are.
Oh, and also this. A brief interlude from the rush and work. I wanted a park this morning, to sit and drink my coffee, and instead this popped up on my gps.